Have no fear
by stendanalways1
Summary: Stendan -The best love story - from the start Rated M Please review :) much appreciated. The power of love-Gabrielle Aplin-Their song . I'm goin to start updating the cover image to go along with the story so it will change , still the same sory :) #StendanReunionHollyoaksLater
1. Have no fear

**Hey guys, sorry for any spelling mistakes ect it was very late. So i didn't want anyone forgetting how this all started. Yah ive changed the story a bit and will be changing it further with an exciting twist next but yeah..Read and review 3 xxx**

Ste dragged his feet heavily as he entered chezchez . The kids had managed to keep him up almost all of the night but Brendan had insisted that he came to work early.

'Big night tonight Steven , gotta get ready'

Ste managed to make it to the bar before his energy gave out , he slouched forward crossed his arms in front and rested his head on top of them. He heard something but didn't have the energy to lift his head instead he peered through his eyelashes like a naughty child.

'Not slacking are we ,Steven'

Brendan was stood inches away from him he jumped and stood up straight staring him in the eye.

'Erm..no im just..im'

Brendan laughed darkly at the effect he made on the lad, loved knowing he was scared of him. It made him feel strong like he was worth something.

'nah , sorreh Brendun right but our Leah kept us awake all night dint she an-'

'Just get to work'Despite how much he loved stevens accent he didn't want to hear about his kids when he missed his own so much. Eileen had taken them away from him 3 months ago and was now refusing to visit. He believed they were safer without him but every kid needs a dad and every dad needs to see his kids.

'Erm yeah sorreh'

ste made his way down to the cellar to collect a crate. He could see Brendan was in a bad mood and didnt fancy making it worse. When he returned he found him sat at the bar on a stool clenching a glass of whisky. Ste had noticed this is something Brendan did whenever he was angry or upset. He was on the phone and obviously hadn't notices Ste's advance.

'Yes Eileen i know but i need to see them please..i..I'll do anything . They're my boys please...I will get the money i will just give me time okay...I have changed but i can't just magic money from..please just bring them to see me please..dont hangup dont...DAMIT!'

ste jumped which shooke the bottles in his crate, Brendan turned to look at him sluged down another glass of whisky then poored another not taking his eyes from ste's.

'Bit early init boss?'

Ste was trying to lighten the mood , it obviouslty didn't work.

'Shutup Steven just shutup.'

'alright, alright i wah just jokin'

Brendan didn't reply instead he removed his gaze from Stevens eyes to the glass in front of him and swirled the brown liquid inside it in circles. Ste bent down to fill the fridge with the contents of the crate, his eyes hurt from a sleepless night and Brendan's bad mood was going to make this day 10X longer.

Brendan couldn't help looking at he boys arse as he bent down, it was like his eyes were betraying him forcing him to look when he didn't want to. He flicked them away quickly when Steven turned around.

'right that was the only crate what else do you want me to do'

' '

Steven groaned and made his way to the store cupboard, he grabbed the mop and went to fill the bucket up in the toilets. Brendans' legs walked after him like he wasn't controlling his own actions .He stood behind Steven far closer than needed. Stes actions stilled and he turned to see Brendan one hand an the side next to the sink and his head hung low between his shoulders.

'erm..you okay Brendan?'

Brendan lifted his head and looked at Steven , the corner of his lip lifting ever so slightly.

'I'm sorry for being so moody with yeh Steven. It's just im missing my kids.'

'No , it's fine Bren i understand if that wah me id be-

'Bren?'

'yeah , am i alright to call you that now ? cos weve been working together ages and..'

Brendan smiled warmly he liked Steven especially when he thought he'd done something wrong, it was so cute.

'just sounds so cute in that accent' Stevens face changed then from happy to confused Brendan coughed.

'ha, erm sorry too much whisky i guess..'

'you should drink less, your gunnah get a beer belleh'

'I'm not drinking beer , im drinking fine Irish whisky'

'that stuffs rank , besides still alcohol'

'People like me don't get beer belly , Steven'

'people like you eh?'

'yeah you know young, fit , sexy..i could go on .'

'Whatever old man' they both laughed and Steven sighed pulled the mop bucked out of the sink and placed it on the floor.

This was nice, easy banter. It's when Steven made Brendan have strange feelings for him thats when things got complicated..thats when Brendan got angry.

xxxx

It was almost time for his lunch break and Steven was feeling light headed. He was chopping up lemons when the room started spinning and he swayed on his feet dropping the knife to the floor . He felt stong hands on the side of his waist holding him up.

'Woah careful.. Steven, you okay?'

Brendan's voice sounded like an echo and he couldn't open his mouth to reply instead he leaned into his strong body feeling faint. He nodded slightly over the muscles of Brendan's chest.

Brendan tensed then relaxed, this felt wrong disgusting but at the same time he liked it. He liked being close to Steven like this and even though he had only known him for a few months he felt protective over him.

He pulled his arms further around Stevens waist so he was hugging him from behind. He didn't try to move him, instead just stood there in the warm embrace. He closed his eyes and images of his farther filled him mind straight away.

'your weak, you dirty faggot. c'mon hit me back Brenda'

He suddenly felt sick , he let go of Steven who seemed to be able to stand up by himself now. Without saying a word he walked to the door and smashed through it gasping for air wishing it would burn the images from his mind. This was Stevens fault he was only holding him up.

He did have to check Steven was okay though, he was his employee and he had a responsibility. He went back in side to find steven had his face in his hands.

'Sorry,felt a bit sick then . Ye okay steven?'

'yeh im good now tah just everything wah spinnin and then it wah black'

'You shouldn't be in work, look at the state of you. Go home steven'..because i can't trust myself around you.

'im fine and anyway , big night tonight Bren we gotta get ready' steven said mimicking Brendans accent and it was the cutest thing ever. He couldn't help but smile and the images vanished from his mind.

'Ok but if you feel faint again just tell me yeah? Dont want you chopping your fingers off do we.'

'yeah yeah, I'm off for a nap anyway' he pointed towards the clock 'It's me lunch time'

xxxx

'da please don't..'

'You've been a bad boy Brenda , you know what happens when you've been a bad boy'

'No da , I haven't I haven't, please don't touch me'

Ste came back from his lunch break feeling refreshed from his nap. He spotted Brendan sleeping on the sofa his feet resting on the table. Weird strangled wimpers were coming from his throat and he was throwing his head from side to side. He looked like little Lucas did when he had a nightmare. He ran to his side and kneeled down. He shook him lightly placing a hand on his chest and the other on his waist.

'Bren, Brendan it's okay wake up..Bren'

Brendan jumped and awoke grabbing hold of stevens wrists, looking scared as anything. Ste didn't remove his hands when he asked Brendan if he was okay. Brendans face changed when he woke up properly.

'I'm fine Steven get your hands of me, I'm not 5'

'Let go of them and i will..'

'urgh , I'm still half asleep. Not the only one who's tired.'

'Someone keeping you awake eye?' steven said and winked.

'No just couldn't sleep' Brendan had woken up in a hot sweat almost every night since his boys had left. His dad still poisoned his mind even after he had left Ireland.

'whens that delivereh due?'

'About now..just wait outside for it'

'Yes boss' Steven said and left.

xxxxx

The night was heavy and Ste and Brendan were both behind the bar, the close proximity was driving Brendan crazy . When it calmed down a bit Brendan left to go join chez at the party,he loved spending time with her and she was so proud of how her party had planned out.

Ste was watching Brendan as he gave change back to the man he was serving makng sure it was the right amount then passing it over.

'oi, you owe me i gave you £20'

'No you dint yeh gave meh ten'

'just give me my fucking money you twat'

'I have given you your money ,fuck off'

The guy was big, could easily crush ste. He reached across the bar to take a swipe at him but before he knew it Brendan had his arm bent behind his back painfully and was leaning him against the bar so his face was crushed up against it. The guy screamed in pain and Brendan leaned in close his moustache touching the guys ear.

'Young Steven here said he's given you the right change so why don't you stop picking on little boys and run home to mummy yeah?'

The lad backed off immediately when Brendan let him go. He waved at him goodbye winked then laughed chewing his gum loudly. He then turned back to ste and tapped him on the shoulder .

'Thanks for that bren'

'My pleasure Steven'

He winked at him forcing ste to smile then walked back off to join chez who shouted at him for picking fights.

'What are you doing this is my big night Bren'

'Sorry but i wasn't going to let him treat steven like that'

'urghh , just stay out of trouble ? please?'

'Yeah yeah ill be in my office..'

xxxx

The night came to an end and Steven was cleaning up the mess everyone had made. Him and Brendan had a few drinks once everyone left and he was feeling a bit tipsy. He tripped on a bottle and almost smashed his face on a chair before brendan caught him.

'Bit drunk are we steven?'

'Nah, just tripped din i'

'Whatever, wanna come back to mine?'

WHAT?!

'erm..i mean for a drink. Come for a drink at mine.'

'What about your Cheryl, wont she mind?'

'No shes staying at a friends tonight'

'ah.. yeah ok sounds good' He said with a smile. Brendan was being friendly now, he had definitely cheered up.

xxx

Brendans flat was just across the road, They left together and walked up the stairs.

'Are you sure you wanna come back ere bren,we could always stay in the club . have a dance' Ste said mimicking his best dance moves behind Brendan as he unlocked his front door.

'No bus mans holiday'

'What i dont understand'

Brendan laughed and steven pushed his back so he stumbled through his front door.

'what!' steven shouted as brendan continued to laugh.

' bus mans holiday, i forget how young you are sometimes' He unlocked the door and motioned Ste to sit on the sofa.

'So a bus mans holiday is when you try to have fun when your not at work, but you do it in the place you work'

'ahh' ste said looking slightly confused still.

He chuckled again and sat next to ste and the sofa with his hand over the back but not touching him. He handed him a glass of whisky and watched him drink it amused at the way his face scrunched up when he did.

'Yeah but why a busman?'

'Don't know actuall' Brendan said and went to fill their glasses.

Ste Snorted a laugh then took the drink Brendan was holding for him. ' This stuff goes straight to my head Bren, dont think i can handle any more me'

'we are neither of us drunk, don't worry ill stop ye if we go to far. Wanna put some music on?'

'No you do it'

'OKay' Brendan said and laughed loved how stubborn the boy was.

'So cheryls with Lindsey and we have the place to our self' Brendan said and smooched closer to steven clinking their glasses together and watching him take another shot.

xxxx

'Arghhh' Ste said shaking his head after another shot. He sat back closer to brendan now and they both smiled at eachother , Brendan chewed his chewing gum loudly and Ste leaned his head on the back of the sofa.

'Aww it's mad this init'

'oh yeah? how come' Brendan said still smiling and staring into Stevens eyes because he couldn't help it.

'Brendan right lay of it, couple of weeks ago i was the employee that you most liked to have a go at'

Brendan smiled and lowered his head. He just liked being close to the boy in any way possible if that ment getting up and shouting in his face..he wasn't picky.

'Making your life a misery was i?'

'ahh tell me about it, i fort you waz nevoh gunna give me a break'

Brendan loved how stevens accent came out even more when he drank.

'Yeah well,maybe you proved yourself.

Steven looked at he had done something terribly good for him. He sat up more so he was facing brendan inches from him.

'Have i?'

'yeah'Brendan said and licked his lips' It doesn't pay to get to familiar with the staff straight off, trust me'

'Yeah i know but, you don't hang out with Rhys like this do ya, or Jaqui. But Jaquie is a bit different cos you and her where like this wern't ya.' Steven mimicked tounging someone and all Brendan could do is stare at his tounge. Steven laughed to himself and looked at Brendans eyes.

'Well maybe i like you more than Rhys'

'Yeah' Stevens face fell and went all serious. It made Brendan want to laugh so he bit is lip to hold it back.

'Yeah' Brendan said and it came out seductive but he couldn't help hit. His eyes flicked to Stevens lips inches from his own then back again. He wanted to taste him so bad.

Ste leaned back on the sofa again much to Brendans dissapointment.

'aww, i haven't had this much of a laugh in ages'

'Well i'm glad to hear im not always your moody boss'

'well thats the thing though, i don't even think of you as my boss anymore, i don't'

well you should you little shit. 'oh?'

'Am i alright to say that now?steven said getting closer to Brendan again.

Brendan was won over he smiled and said' You can say whatever you like'

He expected Steven to smile back but he didn't,he leaned back on the sofa with a sad expression on his face.

'It's just cos yeah, when im wiv Amy and the kids i'm just changing nappies, wiping up sick.I never feel up for it.'

Was Steven hitting on him, was he up for it now. He looked up and down his body ' up for it? And why do you say, up for it?'

Steven pulled a big cheesy grin ' err, well tonight i was feeling up for it ..you get me?'

was

He laughed and Brendan couldn't help laugh back.

'Yeah, yeah me too'

'It's a shame, don't get me wrong though i lovelooking after them kids. I do i really love em.'

'Steven can we not talk about this tonight please'

'soreh i am goin on a bit now arn't i'

'no, no your not, but your drink is empty so i'm gunna get you another'

'noo i'll get it'

Brendan stuck his foot out as ste stood up, he wanted him and he felt out of control of his own body. Ste fell onto his back with his head leaning against the other sofa and Brendan landed on top of him. Steven laughed and Brendan just stared into his eyes, he was scared , so scared because he wanted him so badly and it was wrong. Brendan placed a hand across Stevens perfect cheekbones and stared deeply into his eyes flicking occasionally to his lips. Steven was still giggling away blissfully unaware of Brendan's mental breakdown .He laughter finally stopped when he saw Brendan's face and he gulped nervously. Brendan moved his head forward and stared at Stevens lush lips then he stopped he couldn't go any further. Ste smothed a hand around Brendan's neck . When Brendan didn't move Ste pushed up and crashed his lips to Brendan's , they didn't move just stayed with their lips pressed together.

NO THIS I WRONG

Bren opened his eyes and pulled away wiping Stevens taste of his lips.

'Did you, did you just kiss me. What to you think your doin'

This was Stevens fault he was making him look like a queer.

'im sorrehh i just'

'go'

' NOW GO'

'okay im goin' Steven grabbed his coat and ran out the door.

xxxx

Ste felt sick, he was shaking from head to toe. He reached his sink and splashed the cool water over his face washing the taste of Brendan off his lips. What was he doing? He just kissed his boss..his male boss. He had never felt this way towards a man before so why now? He had to say sorry to Brendan, it must be the drink and he didn't want to ruin their friendship.

Ste decided to sleep the effects of the whisky off and headed to bed.

xxx

Brendan knew full well that the kiss was his fault, but he couldn't let Steven know that. Couldn't let anyone know that. They would think he was weak , disgusting. JUst like his dad had said. He shut his eyes tight and kicked over the coffee table spilling whisky on the carpet. STUPID FUCKING did he make him do this! He hated him for it, this isn't who he wanted to be . A fresh wave nausea flushed through Brendan and he sat down on the sofa and closed his eyes. He was out in seconds.


	2. Love over lust

The aftermath of the drinks the night before was certainly setting in. Ste's head pounded and his throat was dry. He got out of bed shakily and went to go get a glass of water. He looked through the net curtain above the sink to find it was sunny, it must be around 7am but he couldn't sleep any longer if he tried. Amy was at her dads with the kids and it felt wrong not getting woken up early by Leah or Lucas so he got up this early by habit.

He threw a piece of toast in the toaster and changed out the clothes he was wearing last night then put on his dressing gown. He pulled The toast out the toaster and ate it plain to settle his uneasy stomach , today was going to be a hard one. He had to try explain to his boss why he had kissed him when he didn't even understand himself.

Work wasn't until 7pm today so he sat down on the sofa feeling wide awake and put the TV on. He checked his phone 6.14am ,earlier than he thought then. The toast he was eating spilled crumbs on his skin making him itchy and he felt dirty from sleeping in his clothes. He turned off the tv and headed to the bathroom for a shower. The hot water felt good on his skin and he wanted to stay in it for hours. After washing his hair he let the bubbles wash over his body and face. He dried his eyes with a towel and thought about what he wa going to say to Brendan. He knew he had to apologise he just didn't know how.

He jumped out the shower after 5 minutes knowing he couldnt afford to run the shower for too long.

When he got out he felt refreshed and lied down on the sofa in his dressing gown again , images from the night before filled his mind so he groaned and rolled onto his front. He was out before he even knew he was tired.

xxx

Brendan was up and in the club by 10am . He sat in his office sorting through papers and slugging down whisky. Last night had been a blur and he was hoping the whisky would burn the thoughts he had from his mind.

He just wanted to stay away, but it was hard with someone so beautiful blocking your view. His dad had always called him a queer and a puff because he could never punch him back hard enough . He wanted so badly to prove him wrong but Steven was ruining everything. He wasn't gay , no way was he gay he has two sons he had a wife. He just liked Steven as a friend and wanted the best for him. Like with Vinnie. He did feel for Vinnie but it was just a phase, he wasn't gay.

Cheryl had called to say that her and Lindsay were having a 'girly' day and asked if Brendan would cover for her . He knew it wouldn't be that busy today so he agreed , would never be able to refuse anything of Cheryl anyway. Him and Steven will be alone in the club tonight , he knew how dangerous it is but he couldn't help wanting to be alone with him. It made his stomach churn from excitement. He wasn't going to do anything , he didn't want Steven like that. He cared about him a lot , he was a friend last night the drink got to his head, it's happened before.

xxx

Ste opened his eyes heavily, It was a lot less bright outside and he felt sick and groggy from too much sleep.

He looked at his phone 4.27pm. How could he have slept that long! He knew a late night was a bad idea after being so tired from Leah.

He sat up slowly his , head spinning slightly , and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. His stomach grumbled loudly and he actually couldn't remember when he last ate.

He went to the sink and filled the kettle then got some peppers out of the fridge. He chopped them into small pieces and then chopped an onion and grated some cheese. He made a strong coffee and sipped it as he made a quick pizza dough. He smothered it in tomato purée and shoved his ingredients on it messily, he added some pepperoni and placed it in the oven. He still didn't feel too good but he was sure he just needed some food.

By the time the pizza was cooked it was already 5pm. He was nervous for work today and didn't know exactly what he was going to say.

The pizza was only small so he chopped it into 4 pieces and placed it on a plate not cleaning up his mess and went to the table in the living room to eat it.

Just as he finished he heard a clang at the door and his two children ran in shouting 'daddy' in unison.

'hello babies' He said kissing them both on the cheek while he hugged them . ' daddies missed you , did you have fun at grandpa's eh?'

'yeh and Lucas was really good daddy he didn't cry in the car'

'Wow, good boy ' Ste said enthusiastically . Lucas always ended up crying after about 10 minutes in a car anywhere and they had no idea why. Leah grabbed Lucas's hand and lead him into the living room where they got their toys out and started to play.

Ste stood up and pulled Amy into his arms and kissed her.

'God ste you look awful , Leah's feeling better by the way so hopefully we will get some sleep tonight'

'nice to see you too Amy... Good don't want my little girl feeling ill do we' He said in Leah's direction.

Amy smiled and went to go tidy the mess Ste had made in the kitchen and Ste joined her.

'So you got a hangover?'

'yeah, drank too much at the club din' I , then I went back to Brendan-

'Brendan! you hate Brendan! he's a creep what the hell were you doing at his'

'Yeah ..erm I meant with Cheryl, were good friends now.'

'right..missed me?'

'Always' Ste said and gave her a wink. After washing they sat down on the sofa for a movie with the kids by the time it is finished it would be time for work.

xxxxx

Brendan heard a knock on his office door and he knew who it would be.

'Come in..Steven' Memories from the night before came flooding back after saying his name, he felt nervous what if the boy thought Brendan had wanted it to happen. That Brendan was gay.

The door opened slowly and Steven stepped through the door and stood at the other end of the office , keeping his distance from Brendan.

Ste's heart beat out his chest. Brendan was wearing a bright red top slightly unbuttoned so his toned chest was showing. Ste felt strangely attracted to him like he never had a man before. Brendan looked so hot right now and he couldn't help but stare mouth open like a total idiot. Brendan looked at him expectantly.

'You gunna say something Steven, or did ye just wanna come admire me beauty?'

'shurrup, very funneh. Look Brendan im soreh for last night, i dunno what came over me. I mean it's not like i've ever done it before.

He was blaming Brendan making out that he made him kiss him. ' You saying it was my fault? you saying im queer?' Brendan said angrily but kept his voice quiet.

'No no . It was my fault' Steven hung his head in shame and Brendan almost wanted to hug him and tell him it was all okay. 'I rekon It was the drink me, yeah because i want thinkin straight wah I?'

'So it was just a one-off was it' Brendan's heart sank and he didn't know why.

'No, well. There was this lad in young offenders..We didn't do anyfing but i felt for him like..y'no. You wont tell anyone will yeh?'

Why would he tell anyone , of course he wouldn't! He wouldn't do that to Steven.

'I wouldn't tell anyone if they had a gun to my head, Steven'

'Really? an you wont battah me? an i still got me job?'

'Yes, no i wont , yes.' Brendan said and chuckled and Ste immediately relaxed.

'thanks Bren'

'No problem, there's a crate that needs bringing up from the cellar. Could you get it for me Steven?'

'Yes boss' Ste said and winked and Brendan hated him for it. He was obviously going to want him if he winked at him like that.

Steven left and Brendan followed after him 2 minutes after. He wasn't in control and he needed Steven , needed to have him now. How could he not when Steven came in looking like that and talking like that ? Anyone would. Besides it had been a long time since he had any action.

He reached the cellar door and he felt nervous. He opened it and Steven smiled at him, so fucking cute . He had a crate in his hand and the muscles in his arms were straining against the weight. Brendan pulled a key out of his pocket and stared at Steven, he had to refrain from drooling at how hot he looked.

'Your not going anywhere' He said and turned to lock the door to the club.

Steven gulped and Brendan smiled ever so slightly and began to walk forward.

Ste was petrified Brendan was going to beat the crap out of him . He backed up until he hit a wall and Brendan got up close so he could feel his breath on his face. He pushed his face to the side and closed his eyes waiting for the impact of Brendan's fist

Brendan was confused. The boy looked so scared.

There was a clear obstacle between them , the crate. Brendan picked it up and put it on the side, Steven lifted his head and looked at him like he was about to cry.

'No ..pl..please'

Brendan had to stop Stevens whimpering the only way he knew how, he planted a light kiss on his lips then pulled away quickly to see Stevens reaction.

Steven looked utterly confused looking at Brendan and not daring to move. He didn't get what was happening. Brendan just kissed him but last night he almost battered Ste when he kissed Brendan.

Brendan smiled at Stevens face and locked his lips on his again. He let it last longer this time closing his eyes then pulling away to look at Steven again.

The look on his face was different this time. His pupils were dilated and his lips were parted, that is the reaction he was looking for. Brendan let out a growl from the back of his throat and surged forward and kissed him deeply.

Ste kissed him back dragging their lips together and sliding his tongue inside Brendan's mouth. He groaned at how good he tasted and moved his hands from Brendans neak to his waist not really sure what to do. He lifted Brendan's shirt and only broke the kiss to sneak it over his head.

Brendan pulled off Stevens top then connected their lips again, dragging his tongue against Stevens and smoothing his hands down his body onto his perfect arse.

He groaned into the boys mouth because god this felt so good . He could feel his cock straining against his trousers uncomfortably. Steven was wearing loose joggers which meant easy access.

He plunged his hand into Stevens trousers without warning and grasped his semi-hard cock in his hand. Ste broke the kiss , shocked and slightly scared and Brendan simply moaned and he was back onto his lips again claiming them and leading this time chewing on Brendan's lips and sucking on his tongue.

Brendan pumped Ste's dick slowly and Ste reached down to Brendan's trousers un-doing them and pulling them down just over his cock because that's how far he could reach without breaking the kiss.

Brendan shimmied out of his trousers and boxers and pulled Ste's down at the same time.

'Your so beautiful' He mumbled against Ste's neck then started sucking and licking it , making a wet path downwards over his nipples and stomach until he reached Stevens cock.

Ste gasped at the delicious friction of Brendan's tongue as he took Stes cock in his mouth , no messing about , plunged down to the base . He deep throated him and Steven choked out his name. He pulled back to the tip and licked it then swiped his thum under the shaft.

'You like that Steven?' He said with a smile on his face.

'Fuck .. yeah... Bren'

Brendan took Ste in his mouth again sucking and licking the length of him and moaning on to his cock sending vibrations straight to Ste's groin and it felt amazing. He stood back up and Steven grabbed Brendan's dick and swiped it up and down fast.

'fuck Steven' Brendan choked and leaned to nibble the boys earlobe. He moved Stevens hand from his cock and turned him around so he was facing the wall. His arse was so fucking perfect. Brendan slapped it then rubbed his fingers along Stevens tight hole .

'God you fucking hot'

Ste couldn't reply he was too nervous.

Brendan stuck on finger inside his tight hole and moaned at the wet heat. He felt Steven tense around his finger then relax as he grew accustomed to it.

He added a second finger and picked up the pace, fingering him hard and deep.

Ste moaned in pleasure and lent back against Brendan's fingers, he flattened his palms against the cold wall in front of him for support. He couldn't even string a sentence together at this point and he fucking loved it.

'Oh..my..fuck.. yeah Right there..Brendan'

Brendan added a third finger to prepare Steven for his cock. Ste groaned at the stretch then pushed back against it again shamelessly.

'Your so fucking tight Steven'

Brendan removed his fingers from Stevens hole and he whimpered. He soon shut up when Brendan got on to his knees and worked him with his tongue. He licked around his puckered entry, making it slick and wet. He plunged his tongue inside groaning and moaning making his tongue vibrate in Ste's arse. He pulled his head back then pushed it forward fucking Steven with his tongue. He could cum just from the way Ste was breaking down in front of him , whimpering and moaning Brendan's name. He loved pleasuring him. Ste's cock oozed pre cum and he was so ready for it, wanted Brendan to fuck him so bad.

'you ready for me Steven?'

'Brendan please just fuck me please'

Steven begged and Brendan laughed , he got a condom out of his trouser pocket and slipped it on his dick quickly .

He lined up his cock and slowly pressed it into Stevens arse. The tight wet heat was dizzying and he gasped at the delicious friction.

Brendan's cock burned as it stretched Ste's tight entry , he tensed around it involuntarily then relaxed.

Brendan pulled out again slowly then plunged back in , holding Steven around the waist tightly. He looked down to see the way they were connected and it was so fucking hot. Brendan leaned forward and bit into Stevens neck to stop the groans. He never wanted someone this badly before.

Brendan fucked him slowly, knowing it was Stevens first time and Ste groaned in pleasure every time Brendan hit that perfect spot inside him that made him go crazy.

'Yeah Bren ...right...there.'

Brendan picked up the pace and found himself moaning uncontrollable at the wet slick heat. He thrust into Steven hard now and Ste moaned loudly which turned Brendan on even more.

'Bren.. i think... i think i'm gunna come.'

'No your not.'

Brendan removed his dick and Ste whimpered. He turned Ste around and kissed him passionately rubbing their cocks together and moaning into his mouth. Ste dragged his hand through Brendan's hair , scratching his nails along his scalp.

'on your back. on the floor'

Ste did as he was told. lied down on the cold floor of the cellar and Brendan leaned on top of him chewing on his hard nipples and licking a wet path over the fine hairs there up his jaw and to his lips. Ste lifted his arms around Brendan's neck and crossed his feet over his bare back interlocking his ankles.

Brendan lined up and plunged back into Ste. This new position meaning he could reach deeper inside him. He thrust hard and hit Ste in the perfect spot making him moan in time with Brendan's rhythm. He could feel his own orgasm build inside him and it felt so good.

He picked up the pace grabbed Ste's cock and fisted it hard and fast. Ste moaned so loud now and Brendan joined him. Hid orgasm burned through him and Ste spilt over Brendan's hand and on their chests and Brendan groaned into Ste's neck and came inside him. They lay their panting and Brendan rolled over and pulled Ste into his arms so he didn't end up collapsing on top of the boy. Ste panted hot breaths across Brendan's chest and closed his eyes.

They both recovered from their orgasms and Brendan patted Ste on the bum because it looked like he was falling asleep.

'Ye must be cold , Steven'

'Nah your keeping me warm Bren.'

'Well, we need to get back to work, clubs still open.'

'Yeah ...' Ste sighed but didn't move.

'C'mon ' Brendan said sitting up and lifting Ste up with him. He stood up then reached a hand out and pulled Ste up both still naked.

Ste felt self-conscious and quickly grabbed his boxers and pulled them on.

Brendan pulled his clothes on slowly and walked out while Ste dressed kissing him on the top of the head before he unlocked the door and walked towards the front door of the club.

xxxxxx

**Please review. Hope you enjoyed this. Got a great story for the next update. ***It's going to get very hot..too hot*****


	3. That familiar itch

Brendan couldn't see his eyes were blurred and he smashed through the front door of the club leaving it open and headed out into the cold. He didn't know were he was going he just knew he had to get out and away from Steven. He could feel himself getting dragged in too deep and he was suffocating.

His dad was right he was weak. He couldn't even control himself. He walked past a plant pot and kicked it over furiously not caring who was there watching.

What was he thinking? what if people find out and thought he was gay. He had to make Steven keep his mouth shut somehow. People would look down on him, he would be seen as a puff and a queer but he wasn't .

That was just a one off, it wont happen again. If Steven wasn't flirting with him nothing would have happened.

He found himself in the park on the bench. He wasn't quite sure how he got here but he knew he was cold and his hands were numb.

'Been a bad boy at school today have we Brenda? Teacher says you weren't listening he touched your shoulder and you punched him, that right?'

'No da I didn't..I didn't want him to touch me'

'He wer only being nice Brenda stop being such a puff stop crying like a girl'

'I didn't want him to touch me'

'Don't back chat me Brenda . Your supposed to be a man stop crying'

'please da just leave me alone'

HIs dad chuckled darkly ' Leave you alone eh? you've been a bad boy Brenda. You know what happens when you be a bad boy.'

'No da please, i haven't i didn't know it was him he just put his hand on me and i punched him. I didn't know it was him da please im sorry' i thought it was you.

'Your gunna take your punishment Brenda and your gunna like it'

Brendan clutched his chest and gasped for breath as he tried to flush the memory out of him like it was a solid thing. He wanted to reach inside him and pull it out of him. Wanted to crawl out of his own body and run away because he was trapped and he couldn't escape.

What his dad did to him, he was doing to Steven and he wanted it. He enjoyed it. It made him sick this was disgusting.

But It was different, Steven wanted it he liked it like Brendan did. And it didn't hurt him Brendan was gentle and he didn't pin him down he l.. he cared about him a lot and that's why he did it , not because he hated him.

Brendan felt sick, he felt like a disgusting man because of Steven. He was angry and he wasn't thinking. He needed to keep Steven safe and away from him or he would end up like him . People would look down on him he needs to keep Steven away.

He walked back wiping his eyes and swallowing the bile in his throat. He didn't realize he was crying but he must have been. The door of the club was wide open and Steven was there smiling at people as he served their drinks. He coudn't do it so he bailed turned around and went home.

He slugged down some whisky it burned a path down his throat where Stevens cock had been where his tongue had been. It eliminated the taste of him and washed away the bile brought up by the bad memories.

xxx

Ste walked up to the bar and started serving the que of people there who had just started coming in. Brendan wasn't anywhere and the club was getting busy. He served the remaining people and got out his phone to text him.

'Hey where are you, rushed of my feet here . Not gunna ditch on me are you? x'

After spending about 30 seconds debating weather to put a kiss or not, he sent the text and put his phone back in his pocket. There were three new customers at the bar already so he gave them their drinks then started to mix some drinks to save him time later.

Everything was all mashed up in his head. One minute Brendan was going to bray him and the next his was balls deep in him.

Ste couldn't understand what had happened. Brendan Brady wasn't gay. He was homophobic to say the least but here he was fucking Ste like it wasn't the first time.

Why had he just left though?

Ste checked his phone .nothing.

He served some more people then helped himself to a can of strongbow from the fridge. It was going to be a long night. Rhys walked in then and joined Ste behind the bar.

'Sorry Ste I thought Brendan would be here, I was just cleaning'

'No , it's fine he is supposed to be. Must be busy.'

xxxxxxxx

The next day Brendan was listening to Cheryl babble on when Ste came in for work in the morning. He had to keep him quiet. He walked up the stairs and Brendan turned around to face him. He gave Brendan the cutest little smile that was so hard to refuse but he did and gave him an intimidating look back and turned back to Cheryl and started emptying beers from the crate.

He got behind the bar and leaned against it reading a newspaper. Ste went to go get a crate. He returned with it and stood next to Brendan.

'Wanna get past?'

'Please'

He moved forward so Ste could squeeze past then went back to his position reading the newspaper.

'And it has to be amazing because it's not just about my birthday it's about re-branding this place, you know doing it chez style.

Brendan wasn't really listening to Cheryl Steven was bent down next to him and he couldn't help check him out.

'ye see in her hen weekend back home she had this cowboy theme, which was grand but i want to do something even better. What are you thinking?'

'err about what' Brendan said tearing his eyes from Ste.

'About the theme for my party it's only a week away for crying out loud.'

'oh that'

' Brendan Brady do you ever listen to a word i say?'

'Like i have a choice Chez'

'oh well that's very nice, don't be expecting an invitation from me'

Ste was confused why Brendan had ignored him earlier. He was angry he leaned o the bar and stared into space, his brow creasing.

Brendan smiled at Cheryl. ' OK, to be honest i thing themes are tacky sis, if i were you i would go for glamour, you know champagne fountains canopies. Sophisticated. Just like yourself , yeah'

Cheryl smiled and brendan smiled back.

'Have you heard him Ste , he really knows how to turn on the charm doesn't he?'

Brendan looked at Ste smiled and raised his eyebrow chewing his gum loudly.'

'Yeh' Ste said and looked and Brendan like he wanted to rip his head off. Brendan smile vanished and he looked back at Cheryl.

'No wonder the women of Chester are beating your door down, who is it this week not another McQueen god willing'

'Give it a rest will ye' Brendan said sensing how annoyed Ste was getting.

Cheryl laughed loudly and Brendan looked over at Steven , he looked worried about something. And he was worried , worried that Brendan had used him , worried Brendan would move on to another girl by tomorrow.

xxxx

Steven had left for his lunch hour and Brendan was sat on a bar stool reading another uninteresting newspaper and sipping coffee. Jacqui McQueen was at the other end of the bar with Rhys gloating about her new date with Danny Houston. Who Brendan knew was dodgy.

'He said it's this propper nice place on the river, it's Japanese hes gonna take me there'

'Ohh classy' Said Rhys obviously jealous and Brendan had no idea why he would be.

'It is actually, They do this display with their food on the table. Specially for VIP'

'Don't really think i'd like queuing up that long'

'He doesn't need to does he just picks up the phone'

'Oh is that right, and what makes him so important?'

Brendan butted in ' Little bit of that can't hurt' Brendan rubbed his fingers against his thumb signaling money. He knew that Danny wasn't VIP material , he was paying for it.

'Yeah '

jealous'

'me' he laughed 'wow, you really rate yourself don't you love. he's welcome.'

'I meant are you jealous of him because hes flash not that hes taking me out'

at that moment Cheryl walked in ' Woaah rewind whoes taking you out?'

' Danny Houston' Brendan said full of hate.

'ohh get you on a date' Cheryl said to Jacqui. ' He's a lovely lad int he Bren , salt of the earth, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him he's an absolute saint.'

' He stuck a bit of money into the club Chez that doesn't make him mother Theresa'

wow that has to be the most sensible thing Rhys has ever said. Just what Brendan was thinking, Danny is dodgy as hell.

'So' Cheryl continues ignoring him ' where's he taking you?'

'Oh it's erm,this proper posh restaurant . It's gonna be the business'

Brendan thought he would have a bit of fun.

'Hope you know how to use chopsticks i mean , how embarrassing would that be'

She stopped gloating then and looked quite scared. Brendan chuckled folded up his paper , didn't want to listen to this crap anymore.

' Just make sure you stay on his good side it's the only place you wanna be' He said while he was leaving.

'And who asked you?'

'Friendly warning love' He said and shut the door of his office behind him.

xxx

Rhys came into his office later asking about Danny.

'Jacqui is a friend i'm looking out for her, is he bad news.'

'He's more than that if you cross him, i never have' He said while scribbling on a piece of paper.

'Does Cheryl know he's dodgy I mean you brought him here he's a partner aint he'

'Exactly , he owns part of the business I can't stop him coming in here, can i?'

He threw down his pen and went to Rhys getting in his face.

'Look Danny , he's alright as a mate but he's no prince charming if you know what i mea...As long as she watches her back, and that mouth of hers... I'm sure they'll be very happy together.'

Brendan said and walked out to the bar.

xxx

Ste made his way back to work after lunch, he went to get a crate while Brendan filled one with empty bottles. It was just them at the bar ;jacqui and Rhys both had shifts later on and Cheryl was in the office.

Ste put the crate down next to Brendan.

'Ye alright, steven'

Steven smiled and turned to face Brendan 'Never bettah'. Her looked down and saw Brendans hand on the bar and put his on top , holding it.

Cheryl came out the office and Brendan shook his hand off, being strange with .

'Hey, hows my two favorite boys.'

'Top of the world' Brendan said and smiled, Cheryl winked then went down the stairs.

'Can i have a word wit you?'

'sure'

'In private' Ste smiled at this, he could sense there wouldn't be much talking going on.

Brendan turned and headed down to the cellar and Ste followed him a minute later. When he got down Brendan was polishing a bottle of Irish whisky with a cloth.

'You alright'

Brendan stopped and placed the bottle back in it's holder turning to face Steven.

'yeh'

'just fort that you wer bein funneh with meh'

'And why would that be'

Memories of the night before came flooding back and ste coupldn't help but smile.

'you know' He said then looked more nervous.

'Remind me' Brendan said. He knew what he was talking about. It just didn't seem real. This was it , he had to save Steven. Had to stop him being weak . Steven had made him weak , made him just like his dad had said.

'After what we did in here' Ste said and put his hands on Brendans waist.

He was trying to make Brendan want him again, making him be gay. He looked down at Stevens hands and saw his dads hands on his waist. He looked back at laughed strangely. He didn't know what he was doing.

What they did in here was wrong , disgusting Steven had to know that. He pulled the Cellar key out his pocked and held it up. Steven smiled and bit his lip.

'would you lock the door please' Brendan said forcing a smile which kept slipping from his lips.

'If you'd like'

'Oh yeah, i like' Brendan lied . He felt sick just thinking about what happened and now Steven was trying to make him do it again. Steven went to the door and locked it then looked at Brendan seductively.

He couldn't pretend to be ok, not for Stevens sake. He turned around and ran two fingers through his eyebrow over and over. He shut his eyes and he could feel his dads breath on his neck. His weight on his skin.

'Do you want me to go'

'no' Brendan said and it was the truth , but Steven was making him say it. Making him want him.

'ok' Steven said and placed a hand on Brendans shoulder. Brendan turned around and raised his hand wanted to punch Steven for touching him but he didn't. Steven's hand fell off him and he smiled at the loss of contact. Didn't want to be touched.

He could see them through his dads eyes , what he would think of them.

Brendan put his hands on Stevens chest and pushed him back, walking with him.

'Your going to take your punishment Brenda and your going to like it'

Her couldn't see. He felt sick, his dads words sinking in and getting under his skin. Blinding him and turning him into a monster.

'You little queer Brenda, you disgust me.'

What they did in here made him feel sick. Steven was trying to make them do it again. Why was he doing this to him.

Brendan Pushed ste's hair behind his ear and Ste got excited, wanted to kiss him. Brendan looked so hot right now and Ste really liked him.

Ste leaned in to kiss him but all Brendan could see was his dad. He wasn't thinking straight and he plunged his fist into Stevens rib feeling it crack under the impact.

Ste gasped and fell back into some barrels. He clutched his ribs and gasped for breath. Brendan had just punched him. He was like a different person, he just snapped. Brendan crouched down beside him while Ste cried on the floor.

'I..I don't understand'

'Don't ever touch me again, you understand!'

'I'm sorry .I just fort'

'Thought what'

'That you wanted me to'

'That I... Touch me again and it will be the last thing you do'

'I wont i swear' Steven sobbed.

'You disgust me' Brendan said, tears pricking in his eyes because he didn't want to hurt him. He wanted Steven to stop making him like him. To stop making him act like his dad.

He had to protect Steven from himself.

Brendan stood up and saw the boy broken and crying on the floor. His face fell and he panicked. He needed to get him to A and E.

'You okay' He said and smiled at him. Steven didn't reply just continued to cry.

'C'mon steven , you okay.'

Steven shook his head.

'Your hurt we need to get you looked at'

Steven looked at him then in disbelief. He was caring for him after that. He hated him.

'were going to tell Cheryl you were mugged arn't we'

Steven shook his head again and Brendan picked him up slinging his arm over his shoulder hold him up and put his arm round his skinny waist.

'C'mon i think your ribs cracked.'

Ste didn't know what to do so he stayed quiet and let Brendan lead him upstairs. Cheryl turned and gasped.

'God Ste, are you okay . Brendan what did you do what happened.'

'You better tell her Steven'

'It was my fault. I got mugged , Brendans taking me to A and E'

'Well are you going to call the police what did they take'

'No, they didn't take anything. Brendan came out and they left.'

'Well good you were there then Bren. Hope your okay love.'

Ste shot a look at Brendan then walked past him holding his chest. Brendan followed him out and put him in a cab. He didn't want awkward car talk so he let the boy go by himself.

'Get well soon ,Steven'

'Fuck you'

He wasn't surprised Steven was upset with him. But it wasn't his fault. Steven stepped out of line he must see that.

Brendan went back up to the club and went to his office where his bottle of whisky was waiting for him...

xxx

Ste had been off work for a week now. He wasn't entirely sure Brendan still thought he had a job so he called in sick saying he still couldn't stand up straight from the mugging. Cheryl was compassionate as ever telling him he could have have as long as he wanted off.

He went to go make a coffee. Amy and the kids had gone for a day out but Ste stayed , didn't want to risk Brendan seeing him. He told Amy the same sob story.

He picked up the milk and sniffed it , it was definitely off. He grabbed his coat and went to leave , hoping that Brendan would be too busy at work this time of day to spot him.

He opened the door and almost jumped out of his skin.

'Boo'

He just stared, petrified at the man he lost his virginity to just over a week ago.

Brendan barged past him into the house. He walked down the hall checking all the rooms to make sure no one was in. He had been worried he had hurt Steven really bad when actually he was just skiving. He did care about the boy, but he was acting like a child. He stepped out of line , he got a smack. That's what happens.

'So whats going on Steven , you've been off work for a week now. And don't even bother lying to me , your not smart enough'

So first he beat him up and then he insults him but he found himself still wanting him. He liked his bad boy attitude and how hot he looked with his shirt unbuttoned.

'because i wah worried' Ste was breaking a sweat. The man petrified him.

'About what'

'What you were gunna do'

Brendan stared him down and chewed his gum loudly. Ste needed to be scared of him. If he wasn't he could tell someone. He wanted to set the boy straight he had a reason for hitting him.

'Dont know what you mean'

'you know..after what 'appened'

'Lets get one thing straight, you asked for that didn't ye' He found it hard to believe it himself but he was sure Steven deserved it, he had deserved it when his dad did it to him.

' your saying i was asked to be beaten up of yeh no'

He didn't understand how much he was making him want him from just speaking like that. He did deserve it , he was making him want him. Making him a queer.

'I just fort that you wanted me to kiss yeh'

'You crossed the line, Steven' He wished Steven could see what was going through his head when he tried to kiss him. 'I say when and where , not you' He didn't mean to say that. He was implying it would happened again but he was stronger than that he wouldn't let it happen again.

Steven stayed quiet. 'Understand?...Do you understand?'

'yeh' Ste whispered . He did understand he just thought Brendan thought more of him than that.

'And?'

'What?'

'Well, you can see why i lost my temper? yeah?'

'I'm sorreh'

's'okay' Brendan said and smiled . He tapped Steven on the shoulder then walked past him and lent against the kitchen counter.

He could feel himself leaning towards him again, wanting him and it made him ashamed. This wasn't who he was. This is what his dad always said and he wasn't going to prove him right . But it was like he wasn't in control.

'Steven, come 'ere'

Steven looked at Brendan but didn't move. Probably too scared. He wished he wasn't so beautiful. Wish he didn't get into Brendan's Head and burn away everything he believed in with one look.

'Steven, i said come ere'

Steven walked over slowly and Brendan walked his fingers up his chest and hooked two fingers into his coat to pull him closer.

He was confused but he didn't want Brendan to stop . This week had been horrible and he just wanted Brendan to want him back more than anything.

Brendan met Ste's eyes and that was it. He needed to have him now. He leaned in slowly and Steven was cautious not moving at all.

Brendan pressed his lips to his slowly then pulled away to look at Steven who had kept his eyes open the whole time. Unlike Brendan.

'Everything okay?' He said and looked down Ste'd body to his lips then back to his eyes. He smiled lopsidedly in the way Ste loved.

'You want me to stop?' Brendan waited and there was no answer, he assumed that meant no.

He closed his eyes and waited leaning in ever so slightly so he could smell Stevens delicious aftershave.

Ste brought his hand up slowly and placed it on the side of Brendan's Neck, he was scared but he wanted Brendan so bad he didn't want to hold back. He could taste his minty breath across his face .

They both leaned in and kissed more passionately this time, open mouthed but no tongue. They were both holding back which was something Brendan never ever did.

Brendan pushed Ste back into the room he shares with Amy until he fell on the bed and Brendan crawled on top of him pushing him further up the bed as he went.

He broke the kiss , breathless and stared Steven in the eyes as he stripped off his own shirt and coat. He leaned back over him and kissed him pushing his tongue into his mouth and rubbing it along Stevens. He used one hand to support him and unzipped Stevens coat with the other. He moved his hand inside his open coat and unbuttoned Stevens shirt.

Ste had his hand around Brendan's Neck and used his other to undo Brendan's trousers then tease his hand over the tones muscle of his chest. He looked so fucking hot right now.

Brendan moved from Stevens lips panting and licked a wet path down his jaw and onto his neck . Steven giggled ticklishly and Brendan moved down to his chest biting down on his nipple and toying them with his tongue. He then moved to his other nipple doing the same and receiving a purr from Steven.

Brendan pulled Steven up so he was sat on his knees and pulled off his top and coat. He kissed Steven deeply for long time. Devouring his mouth chewing on his bottom lip.

He could feel blood rush to his dick and realized Steven had undone his trousers. He stood up putting on a show and took of his trousers slowly, licking his bottom lip.

Steven chewed on his lip as Brendan removed his boxers and stood next to the bed. His dick stood already as hard as fuck. Ste had never noticed the size of it before. Brendan was bigger than Ste , not by miles but it was impressive.

'Put those pretty lips round my dick Steven' Brendan said and winked. Steven laughed and moved closer to Brendan putting his hands on his waist.

'Like this' Steven said and lapped at Brendan's dick covering it in his saliva. He put a few inches in his mouth twisted and sucked then pulled back again.

Steven looked so fucking beautiful right now with his cock in his mouth. He moaned quietly at the wet heat and the friction of Stevens taste buds against his standing nerve endings.

Steven pushed down further now fitting more into his mouth than before. He moaned at the sensation and felt Brendan moan in response at the vibrations Ste was creating. He sucked Brendan down as far as he could , his eyes watering and his nose almost touching the coarse hairs at the end of Brendans cock.

' .Jesus.'

Steven swallowed around Brendan's cock pushing it even further into his throat without gagging.

' .'

He pulled out and beamed at Brendan like it was the best fucking achievement ever. Brendan smiled back and pushed him back so he was lying on the bed he could't help wanting to touch him.

'Turn around' Ste did as instructed and Brendan climbed on to him and stripped off his trousers. He lifted ste up so his arse was in the air.

Ste felt stupidly self conscious as he was so exposed to the man he was trying to impress.

'So fucking tight' Brendan mumbled the started to work around Stevens puckered entry with his tongue.

He wanted to tease him but he was finding it so hard not to give in right now. He licked over one cheek and bit into it the did the same to the other kissing it after on the red mark he inflicted.

He went back to stevens entry and lapped at it lightly not pushing inside. Making it wet and the hairs around it darken against Stevens golden skin.

'Bren, please' Steven wined then winced an=t how desperate he sounded.

Brendan gave in and plunged his tongue as deep at he could into Stevens hole. He twisted it round then pulled it back out, Steven purred in appreciation. Brendan pushed in again and again licking around the hole then plunging back in and fucking him with his tongue. Moaning creating vibration into Stes tight hole.

'Oh yeah Brendan'

Brendan pushed ste forward and turned him around so he was facing him and kissed him deeply. Steven sucked on Brendan's tongue tasting himself in his mouth and it was so fucking hot.

Brendan encouraged Steven to lift his legs up around his waist and Steven locked his ankles there. He pressed a finger into him, no holding back now, and delved in deep bringing it our quickly before pushing it in again. He added another finger and pushed in even harder and faster fingering him deeply because he wanted to please him so bad.

ste moaned at the stretch and it felt amazing. Brendan added another finger and ste arched his hips off the bed gasping in ecstasy. He pushed back onto his fingers and moaned, he tugged at Brendan's hair and dragged his nails down his back creating goosebumps on Brendan's arms.

Brendan removed his fingers and Steven whimpered.

'Have you got a-'

'In the drawer' Ste said impatiently.

Brendan grabbed a condom and opened it with his teeth without moving from Stevens tight hold around his waist and neck.

He sat up slightly rolling the condom onto his dick then grabbed a bottle of lube and squeezed some onto his hand to warm up. He rubbed it onto his own dick quickly then leaned back over Steven lining up then pushing into him.

Ste moaned because Brendan felt so good inside him. He caught his lips bruising them and kissing him as deeply as he could , toying with Brendan's tongue with his own.

Steven was so tight and the lube made the slip slide easier this time and it felt so fucking amazing. He fucked him hard and fast both of them moaning uncontrollably. Stevens arse hugged Brendan's cock so tight and warm and created blinding friction he knew he wouldn't last long. He could already feel his orgasm build and he didn't have the strength to stop it. He lifted Steven off the bed and holding him by the waist in his hands fucking him as hard as he could while Steven screamed his name from bruised lips.

Steven spilled over his own chest and Brendan licked it off the bit which dribbled down to his throat in his reach.

He rode out Steven's orgasm while his own hit. He came inside Steven and groaned so loud he had to bite Stevens neck to stop himself from screaming.

He let Steven fall back to the bed gently and lied down next to him. He panted deeply and reached out to encase steven in his arms as he closed his eyes.

He didn't drift off but they both laid there in silence wondering how the fuck that happened. Brendan stroked up and down Stevens arm trying to remember that this was okay and not freak out again.

Brendan stood up and put on his trousers.

'Going somewhere?'

'Well we can hardly stay here can we, Amy might be back.' Brendan said grabbing his watch and clipping it on.

'we goin to the club then'

Brendan chuckled 'no' He stopped fiddling with his clothes and shuffled on his feet facing Steven more and locking his eyes on his.'no were going to mine' The corner of his mouth turned up a little. He reached a rubbed a hand through Stevens fringe pushing it out of his face.'Cheryl's away all night so...You wanna?' He said and moved his hand under stevens chin and stroking his thumb down his cheek.

Ste smiled and jumped up at Brendan Hugging him and Brendan laughed and hugged him back.

xxxxx

Brendan left Steven to get a shower and something to eat while he went to lock up the club then meet him back at his place.

He walked in unsure of how he was supposed to be feeling and made a quick sweep checking no one had decided to rob the place while he was gone. He locked the door then headed over to his place.

He unlocked his door and went to tidy the leftovers of breakfast this morning.

When finished he sat down and turned on the tV.

xxxxxx

Ste felt amazing and was still on a high from Brendans visit. He turned the hot tap on for a Bath because it was cheaper than a shower and headed into the kitchen to fix some food. He put some chopped potatoes on a baking tray and turned on the oven. He seasoned some chicken with and placed it on another baking tray. He put them both into the oven and left for his bath. Turning the cold tap on and pooing in some shampoo to create bubbles.

He got in,still naked from before, and relaxed into the bubbles. The chips would be done in about 15 minutes and the oven was on low . He could take them out then turn the oven up to cook the chicken.

xxxx

Steven was taking ages. It had been at least an hour since Brendan left and he thought the boy must have been having second thoughts . He'd given him everything and now he was letting him down.

Brendan left it 20 minutes the grabbed his coat and left jumping down the stairs from his flat into the street and turning the corner and walking down to Stevens council estate.

He saw orange blaze coming from Stevens windows and he couldn't see anyone around. His heart skipped and his breath hitched in his throat.

He ran to the door screaming his name 'STEVEN!STEVEN YOU IN THERE ?! YOU OKAY STEVEN PLEASE BE OKAY.' He touched the door handle to open it and it burned into his hand

'Ow fuck'

He didn't care for his own safety at this point, he cared for the children who will wake up tomorrow without a dad. He kicked at the door as hard as he could until it fell through.

**Thankyou so much for reading this. Your reviews give me strength so feed me:) This chapter is very long but i had a lot to fit in. Hope you like the twist on the actual story. Wait to see what happens...:) ive been writing for around 4 hours now and did about 2/3 hours earlier on so again apolegies for any mistakes. Much love xxxx**


	4. Where do we begin

**Thankyou for the reviews. Means a lot :). Someone asked if I was writing the story again. Thats my plan but i will change a bit and i will probably speed it up. I also plan to have Stendan together in the end , don't know how yet. :) xx**

The heat hit him like a wave pushing him back and forcing him to turn his head. He was getting in there, he wasn't going to let Steven die. He was so young, he had so much to live for. He wasn't sure what life would be like without him in it.

'STEVEN!' he shouted again to no use . He searched his pockets for his phone fumbling around like a fucking idiot. He found it and dialed 999 holding it to his ear.

'Hello, yeh fire brigade please. 2 terrace drive. Ten minutes. OK'

He couldn't wait ten minutes. He looked inside, not being able to see much from the smoke apart from orange blobs and the outline of walls. The fire was mainly in Stevens kitchen, parts of the floor and the living room where burning and lots of the wallpaper was on fire. He looked around and saw there was a small fountain at the end of the road near Stevens flat.

He sprinted over, feeling the burn in his lungs and threw off his coat soaking it in the fountain then putting it back over him. Adrenaline pulsated through his blood and he had a metallic taste in his mouth like biting on a set of keys.

He would save Steven or he would die trying.

He ran to the entrance of Stevens home and took one step in, covering his nose and mouth with his sleeve. His heart was beating so fast that he genuinely believed it would pop right out of his skin.

The heat was almost unbearable , scolding him making him cough and splutter. The air was thick with heat and smoke and his eyes burned making water stream down his face.

'Steven, can you here me Steven' He shouts leaving about a second for a response then jumping into action. He stepped forward another three small steps into the living room. He could see nothing but fire all around him and he wanted to scream at haw frustrated he was that Steven wasn't in here. He looked for a gap in the flames and found one small enough for him to get to the hallway of Stevens flat. He jumped through it scolding his legs and arms on the surrounding flames , sweat dropping from the end of his nose and he could taste it salty and smoke like charcoal in his mouth.

He breathed slowly even though his lungs screamed for oxygen and it was making him light-headed. He had to breathe in as little smoke as possible if he was going to last long enough to find Steven and drag him out. He kicked at a door in his reach until t fell. There was no fire behind it so he ran in. He patted his leg out quickly where it had caught fire while he was kicking down the door. He looked around and found he was in the bedroom. Memories flooded back but he ignored them searching the room for Steven and screaming his name. He wasn't in here so he walked to the door used the frame for support as he coughed and splutter violently. He stepped out and quickly ran through the fire with his coat over him like a cape. He reached another door and backed through it falling to the floor. He patted down his clothes sure he must be on fire but he wasn't, the heat in the building made him feel like he was burning alive all the time.

He looked around but couldn't see much but black. He was in the bathroom facing a bare wall with a sink on it. He turned around and his breath hitched in his throat and he choked on it. He saw Steven in the bath , naked and exposed. He looked like he was sleeping his head was rested on the back and his eyes were closed. He reached over to the boys throat . Relief washed over him when he found the boys heartbeat. He was alive. He lifted Steven out of the bath like a baby and held him in his arms. He slapped him round the face gently and shouted his name to try wake him up.

'Please, please be okay Steven wake up please.'

He kissed Steven lightly then turned to the door , knowing it might be their last. He wanted to take advantage of the water next to him. He put Steven down on the floor and jumped into the bath quickly wetting all his clothes . He took off his coat and put it on Steven. It was big enough to cover most of his legs but it wasn't enough. Brendan found a jug and went to the door throwing water on to the flames as fast as he could . He was choking on his own breath every time he tried to breathe he needed to get them out now. He had managed to clear a small part of the flames, enough to get to the living room. He picked up Steven and ran out making it to the living room and almost collapsing on the floor. He felt light headed and hot, far too hot and his chest burned and he couldn't breathe.

He heard the sirens rounding the corner to the house and he almost cried with happiness. There was no way Brendan could get through the wall of fire in front of him and survive. He sat where he stood and pulled Stevens head up to his lips so he could whisper into his ear.

'You keep that heart beating Steven Hay. Don't you dare stop.'

He cradled him and prayed to god to keep him alive , his breathing was shallow and he could hear the scratch of his throat with each breath. The fireman shouted and Brendan shouted back ' Over here, he's over here' He was struggling to breathe now and his voice was quiet and pathetic.

Brendan almost wanted the men to leave him there and just save Steven but they didn't they took Steven out of his arms and out into an ambulance. Then they came back for Brendan throwing his arms over their shoulders and hauling him out of the building. Everything went black, the voices of the men became mumbles and they echoed inside his head. He couldn't see and he wanted to scream at them to go help Steven but his lips could't move . He felt more out of control than he ever had and he didn't have the strength to fight it anymore. Without Stevens face pulling him back to reality, without no pressing urgency to carry on he gave up and was engulfed by black nothingness.

xxxxxxxx

Brendan woke up in an uncomfortable bed. He was staring at a white ceiling and harsh lights made his head pound. He wasn't wearing his own clothes, instead he had a hospital gown which felt like paper against his skin. His arm and leg were covered in gauge and he had wires and tubes sticking into him from god knows where.

He blinked a couple of times to focus his eyes and turned his head to the side. Cheryl was there of course, asleep in the chair beside the bed. Her hair not curled and she had no make-up on. It reminded Brendan of when they where kids and Cheryl would come into his room in the morning to wake him up with her hair back and looking like she was constantly hung over. She was never a morning person.

His throat burned painfully when he tried to swallow, he coughed and Cheryl opened her eyes.

'Bren, your awake! i'll go get a nurse'

'Cheryl i'm fine honestly.'

'Brendan Brady you are not fine. Your covered in burns and you almost died from smoke inhalation! and going in there for Ste. I know you two are friends but no need to risk you life for him!'

Brendan groaned at the lecture. He loved Cheryl to pieces and her rambling on could actually send him to sleep.

'Chez, he could have died. I would have done it for anyone' He lied. He did it because he couldn't cope if he had left Steven to die. He doesn't even deserve his own life but Steven had everything to live for.

wait a second. ' Steven, where is he? how is he? is he okay?' Brendan sat up in the bed looking around the room.

'He's in intensive care, he's stable. Whatever that means. The doctors said you saved his life Brendan, if he had been left a few minutes longer his heart would've given out, he could have burned to death.'

Brendan wanted to smile at that but he couldn't. Steven was in intensive care because Brendan had left him. If he had more self-control then Steven might not have even tried to make a quick meal. He might not have fallen asleep in the bath because Brendan had tired him out...

'Anyway you distracted me'

Cheryl stood up then and walked out of the ward to get a nurse before Brendan could tell her to stop.

Moments later she returned with a women in white scrubs. She smiled and picked up the clipboard at the end of the bed.

'Mr Brady, your looking better. How are you feeling? Breathing okay?'

'Yeah , my throat kills but i can breathe fine'

'Okay, you can't have any more painkillers because you've had a lot for you burns already. But you can have something small for your throat. I will get that for you in a minute.'

'So why am i in here, can i leave?'

'You passed out because of lack of oxygen to the brain . Some of the chemicals in the smoke were toxic, maybe burning plastic? these have caused irritation to your lungs and throat which need to be treated. The burns will heal up in about a week or longer , but you will have scars for a long time after. Increased mucus production lead to reflex coughing. The mucus may be either clear or black depending on the degree of burned particles deposited in the lungs. Your lungs have been drained and your drip contains anti-biotics for you burns. You are being treated for carbon monoxide poisoning so you need to stay in for at least 2-3days. The symptoms of this are headaches nausia and vomiting. You also need a blood test'

'Why, whats the blood test for?' Brendan said only being able to comment on the most recent thing she said.

'Complete blood count: This test is done to determine if there are enough red blood cells to carry oxygen, enough white blood cells to fight infection, and enough platelets to ensure clotting can occur.'

'Right.'

'This tube, contains oxygen. This will help cure the monoxide poisoning and it is important you inform a member of staff if you want to move.'

'okay, okay' Brendan said. This was too much to take in. How had he been that badly hurt when he was only in there for about 15 minutes. Steven ,must be worse off.

'And what about Steven? Steven Hay? He was in the fire, it was in his home.'

' Steven is in a coma induced by severe carbon monoxide poisoning. He is stable but he is still struggling to breathe. We will inform you of any updates' She said and smiled then nodded to Cheryl and left.

Brendan sat back on his bed feeling sick and listened to Cheryl going on about the club and random gossip he didn't really care about. He felt groggy and heavy so he let himself drift off .

xxxx

Brendan woke up and Cheryl wasn't beside his bed. He sat up and looked around. It was so quiet in here and he hated it. He sat up further and threw his shaky legs over the side of the bed.

He put some weight on his feet, checking that he could stand up , then lifted himself on to them fully. He swayed slightly but he didn't fall. He grabbed the heart beat monitor and took it off the end of his finger. Then he grabbed the stand containing his drip and oxygen and used it to support him. The oxygen tube up his nose moved slightly and it felt horrible. He coughed violently and his throat ached and burned . He forgot the nurse had gone to get something for his throat, he must have fallen asleep before she came back.

The burn on his leg was painful to walk on, every time his muscle contracted it felt like someone was scratching it.

He reached the end of his ward and walked out the door , wishing there was a sign to intensive care. He walked left trying to avoid any doctors or nurses that might spot him. He reached a vending machine and bought a bottle of water for his throat. He reached another corner and looked through windows looking for Steven.

He didn't want anyone to know he had gone to see him. Didn't want people to think he cared about him or get ideas. He gulped down some water and coughed again violently and then groaned at the pain. He looked through another window and saw Steven lying down on a bed with a tube stuck down his throat forcing him to breathe. He walked in and Stood beside the bed.

Steven was pale his usual golden skin was a shade of grey. He had purple rings around his eyes and his chest heaved unnaturally from the pair of substitute lungs attached to the side of his bed. The plastic pumps went down and Stevens chest went up. He felt sick, Steven couldn't even breathe by himself. He knew he wouldn't have long before he was caught in here. He wanted to kiss Steven so badly. Kiss colour back into his pale lips. Kiss golden tones into his skin, kiss his chest so he could breathe by himself but he couldn't. He had let himself lose control and look what happened. This was god telling him to stay away from Steven. He needed to find a girl and get married and have a wife and children or he wasn't a man.

He wished he could save Steven. When he was younger, he always wanted to be superman. Wished he could fly away from his dad and be strong. When Cheryl fell over once he had wrapped a red towel around his neck so it fell over his back like a cape and ran to her putting a plaster on her cut knee and kissing it better. She had laughed so hard she stopped crying and it was moments like that that made Brendan feel like he had worth. That he had something to live for. Then he would see the way his dad looked at him like a piece of crap on his shoe and he realized what he truly was: worthless and weak. Then he would go back to being an empty shell which no one loved him enough to fill. He never lived he just existed day by day.

He head a doctor coming down the corridor so he stroked Stevens cheek and prayed for god to keep him safe and walked out down the corridor and turned the corners back to his ward. He collapsed onto his bed and wanted to cry but he couldn't, he felt no emotion and he was numb. Seeing Steven like that made him want to rip his own heart out and give it to him, give everything he could to him and curl up into a little ball and die because he was worthless compared to Steven and he was the one dyeing in intensive care.

xxxx

Brendan had been to visit Steven every day. He prayed to god that he would be okay every time. He had been in hospital for three days and he was feeling a lot better. He could breathe easier and his cough was clearing up slowly. The doctors said he could be discharged if he had someone to take over his care at home.

Of course Cheryl had said she would so Brendan sat down while the doctors prodded and poked at him getting him ready to leave. The blood test they had done showed he was fine in that area which ment he was healthy enough to be allowed outside on his own. He still needed antibiotics and the dressing on the burn on his leg needed to be changed every day or so. He could do that by himself though and he just wanted to leave this place and get into his own bed. The harsh white lights made his head pound and the bed was uncomfy and it smelled of sickness and anti septic.

When the doctors were done Brendan was put in a wheelchair he didn't need and wheeled to his own car that Cheryl had driven up here. Of course no one knew he had walked to Stevens bed every day unattended and then walked back on his own. She put him in the passenger seat and sat in the drivers seat.

' you sure your okay to leave Brendan? You look so pale'

'I'm fine Chez can we please just go? You don't have to drive you know.'

'It must be painful driving with that nasty burn on your leg, im just helping out Bren;

'Yeah yeah just stop fussing. I promise i'm fine, it's Steven we should be worrying about.' Brendan remembered his face when he last visited. He looked like he could be dead . If it wasn't for his weak heartbeat and his moving chest Brendan would have thought he was.

'yeah , poor lad. Good job you pulled him out Brendan . You're a hero' She said and beamed at him while she pulled out of the hospital car park.

'Eyes on the road Chez, jesus!'

'Yes, i am'

He hated Cheryl driving his car. She was so careless sometimes he would be surprised if they made it home alive.

'Lindsay is so please your coming home , she's making us tea tonight. Your favorite irish stew of course.'

'Mmmmm, hospital food definitely made me crave a good Irish stew.' He said dreamily. The bread tasted like cardboard and he had hardly eaten anything in days. His appetite was gone when he was filled with worry .

Cheryl's ma used to make the best Irish stew, it was one of the perks of living with her. Every sunday they had it and it was heaven.

'remember that time when you dropped your plate on the floor? I thought you were going to cry.'

'Chez it was irish stew, of course i was going to cry!'

She laughed as they remembered. Brendan had just been told to mop the floor and didn't leave it to dry before going to sit down with his tea. He slipped and dropped it on the floor and it went everywhere, he almost wanted to cry because he was so hungry. He saw his dad gaze at him in the way he did and he knew what was coming as soon as they were out of sight. He just prayed it would only be a beating because he was still sore from last night and he really really didn't want his da to rape him again.. of course he did.

Brendan squeezed his eyes shut at the painful memory and Cheryl stopped giggling thinking he was falling to sleep and turned the radio down a bit.

xxx

Ste opened one eye. It felt sticky and blurry and all he could see was white. He groaned because everything hurt and clamped his eye shut again. He had no idea where he was or why. There was a big tube down his throat and he couldn't swallow, the saliva in his mouth was uncomfortable and all he could taste was plastic. He breathed and it felt weird which mad him cough and choke and open his eyes. A doctor came running over then and shined a light in his eyes. Ste wanted to tell him to fuck off. The light hurt his eyes and he wanted to know why the fuck he was in what looked like a hospital. The doctor spoke to him but he couldn't make out properly what he was saying. He just groaned when the doctor stuck something in his arm making him sleepy and he shut his eyes.

xxxxx

The next time Ste awoke the tube in his mouth was gone, he ached everywhere and his throat burned. He looked next to the bed and was surprised to see Brendan their sat with his head in his hands. Ste coughed violently and Brendan stood up grabbing some water and holding it to Stevens lips so he could drink it. He finished and Brendan moved the cup away again.

'Nice of you to join us , Steven'

'Wha' what happened?' Ste said voice hoarse.

'You fell asleep with the oven on Steven ,almost killed yourself. I came back and your whole house was on fire. So i..' Brendan didn't know whether to tell Steven he saved him from the fire. He might get the wrong idea and start going on about love and stupid things like that. But he knew Cheryl was bound to tell him anyway. 'I pulled you out , you were in the bath. Almost killed us both, Steven'

'You went in there? for me, why?'

Brendan looked at Ste like he was an idiot. 'Because i couldn't just let you die..You have two children Steven'

'So do you! You could have died Brendan!' He coughed and Brendan looked at him. Hated seeing him in pain.

'My children are better off without me'

'Don't say that every child needs a dad'

'no thankyou then?' Brendan said changing the subject.

'Thankyou for saving me life Brendan, even though i think you're an idiot'

'Thought i'd lost you' Brendan said like a fucking idiot. He forgot to keep his guard up around Steven sometimes and he hated it. Steven probably thought he was a soppy git now.

'Yeah well thought i'd stick around' Steven said quietly then smiled and coughed again.

'Amy was here, she went to go give the kids some lunch i think. She doesn't know i'm here and i wont let her find out. I need to go soon anyway so.'

'No wait, just stay please' Steven said and Brendan couldn't leave. He literally felt like Stevens words had tied him to his chair and he hated the effect the boy had on him. Wished he could hate him.

'OK , i'm not staying long though. You need to rest anyway.'

Ste looked at Brendan properly for he first time since he woke up. He looked pale, stubble around his neck and a small scar on his exposed chest from something being stuck into him. He had a gauge on his arm and he wasn't wearing a suit. Just a button up shirt ( unbuttoned at the top)and some joggers. Ste felt bad for putting Brendan through this but he still couldn't understand why he had come in after him. Brendan didn't love Ste , he probably didn't even know what love meant so why did he almost die for him.

'Did yeh get badly hurt?'

'No, you know me Steven nothing can hurt me.'

'I don't believe you' Steven said seriously and Brendan caved in.

'I was no were near as bad as you. I just passed out before they got me into the ambulance, got a few burns. I was fine , let me out after 3 days.'

Steven looked away.

'Im sorreh'

'You don't need to be sorry , I't was my fault Steven'

'hmm' Steven said disagreeing but he didn't have the energy to argue.

He let his eyes closed peacefully while he chatted to Brendan about Cheryl and the club. He was out in a few minutes.

xxx


	5. The rubble or our sins

**Sorry this took me a while. Haven't been home. Hope you enjoy this chapter, i'm writing the next straight after don't worry i know i left it at an annoying place :) please review. much love xxx**

Ste woke up the next day with Amy next to his bed. He didn't know weather to keep his eyes shut or open them and talk to her , he didn't have the energy to face a lecture. They had spoken briefly after Brendan had left yesterday but Ste didn't go into any detail about what had happened. He told her he was cooking tea and fell asleep and Brendan had pulled him out. He tried to make it out like nothing special, like anyone would have done it and it worked although Amy insisted she say thank you to him..she couldn't know about Brendan and him, Brendan was clear he didn't want anyone finding out and Amy didn't even know he was gay.

She was staying in a temporary council house now while their home was being repaired. They were told that it would be months until they could live their again. The new place was a couple of houses down and on the opposite side of the road. Not much change then.

He hadn't seen his children since the morning of the fire, he was so lucky they weren't in that day. He missed them like mad but he didn't want them to see him like this. Things like that were damaging for children. He had told them that daddy was staying with a friend and that they had to move house because daddy had burned by accident. He didn't tell them what the fire did to him, they would be forever having nightmares. Have a phobia of fire even.

He opened his eyes and smiled at Amy.

'Hey Ames'

'Hi, how are you feeling?'

'Yeh good' He lied. He was tired , his throat killed , he felt sick and dizzy too.

'Good kids are missing you. Leah made you this.' She said and handed him a piece of paper folded in half. On the front in blue pen (his favorite colour) it said 'missing you daddy' there was a picture of what he presumed was him Leah and Lucas a rouge dog next to them ..a hint there that Leah was still trying to get him to buy her a puppy, it was a kitten last week. He opened it up and read what Leah had scribbled inside in her neatest writing.

'To daddy, i hope you having fun at your frends hous. love you and miss you . Love from leah.'

'I helped her write it, she's getting so good now though.' Amy said smiling.

Ste felt tears well then spill from his eyes, he missed his baby girl so much. Even though she wasn't his child he treated her a Lucas equal ,like she was his own.

'I miss them..so much' Ste said sadly.

'Ste you've been gone for 5 days.'

'I know it's just im so used to them being there when i wake up.'

Amy laughed. 'Your lucky, bet your enjoying sleeping in'

'Well that is an up point of almost dyeing in a house fire'

'Yeah, sorry that was a stupid thing to say. we're lucky y'no. We only lost a few toys, some food a blanket. Nothing sentimental Well we don't own much in the house anyway, not even the sofa was ours so it's the council who will be paying for that to be replaced.'

'Yeh , i know. Lucky Brendan saw when he did'

'yeah thank god. What was he doing down their anyway?'

did he bring that up.

'He said he wa just out running.' please sound normal.

'Oh right, yeah must have been going down the dirt track. That one behind the house.'

'yeah probably' Ste exhaled. phew , if Amy found out the real reason...

'Did the doctors say when you could come home?'

'In the fire i didn't get any really bad burns, it wa my lungs that were the worst off and ther cleaning up. Maybe this week , or next.'

'I need you home Ste, i need to get you back to work. I'm dreading these bills..'

'I'm sorreh Ames. I will ask Brendan for extra shifts when i'm out.'

'It's not your fault, you where in a house fire Ste. I was just saying i hope you can get out soon .'

'Yeh me too. Hate it bein stuck in 'ere. Ames don't you need to go and get the kids.'

Amy glanced at the clock 3:15. 'Oh bummer, i didn't realize the time.' she leaned in and kissed Ste. 'Bye, i'll come see you tomorrow yeah?'

'Yeh , bye love you.'

'Love you too' Amy said and speed-walked out of the hospital.

Ste didn't know if Brendan would come today. He didn't need to and he wouldn't want Amy or Cheryl knowing he had come. But Ste liked having him here. When he came to see him just after Ste woke up it was nice, Ste fell into an easy sleep. They chatted about stuff Ste wanted to talk about.

Ste couldn't stand up yet but he was feeling a lot stronger Despite the sickness and dizziness. He felt like he could stand up by himself if he tried but at this moment he had no reason to. If he stood up, he would only have to sit back down again maybe feeling a lot worse that he already did.

A nurse came in then with a plate of what she described as food. On top of having no appetite the food here wasn't exactly appetizing Mainly tasted like gravel and cardboard. yum.

He was't in the intensive care ward anymore, people here where more lively. Well they weren't dying so obviously. But he could speak to some of them when he got bored, even though talking was the last thing he wanted to do with the pain it caused his throat he couldn't stand being quiet. He was a loud mouth , always had been. The people around him would just have to put up with it.

The plate was put in front of him and he was helped into a sitting position. He wanted to text someone to bring him in some real food but his phone was one of the things that didn't survive the fire.

The nurse left and Steven took his fork rolling the food around on his plate.

'That crap is gunna make you more ill steven' Ste looked up and smiled brightly because he couldn't help it. Brendan stood there with a bag in his hand . He didn't smile back at Steven instead he looked down at his feet.

Brendan knew how bad the food was in here, he came to give Steven something nice. As a friend.

'Yeh, i think ill pass on this, I'd rather starve' Brendan smiled at that then . Steven was a stubborn little fucker.

'Brought you something' He said lifting his bag and placing it on Stevens chest. He picked up the plate of food and put it on the floor next to him.

'mm smells good.'

'The best steven. Irish stew. You'll love it.'

'How did you manage to get this in ere?'

'I can be sneaky when i want to Steven. Just gave them the slip'

'Them?'

'The doctors. Sneaked past them all. Out of visiting hours but i couldn't let you starve'

Ste laughed and opened the bag getting out a box and passing the bag back to Brendan.

'Thanks for this, your a life saver..litrally.'

'What can i say. I'm Just a nice person.'

' ?'

'Oi, want me to take that back then Steven'

'No no! I'm joking your the nicest person i know Bren. So..considerate'

'Thats better...Anyway i better get back. Chez doesn't know i'm here. It might be a bit cold, i did heat it up but that was a while ago'

'OK, careful you don't get arrested walking out of 'ere. ' Steven joked.

'mm. I'm sure ill be fine' Brendan said then winked and walked out.

He didn't know why he had done that. He had Irish stew left over and he just thought of Steven straight away. What would people think? That he's going soft. That had to be a one-off. Steven made him act so stupid sometimes.

xxxx

It had been almost a week since Brendan had came to visit. Ste was bored and felt ill. Partly from the bad food and partly from carbon monoxide poisoning. The doctors have said he could leave today so he has been walking to the toilet by himself , randomly just walking around the ward getting his legs ready for being on the outside world again.

Amy had visited every day, talking about the kids and bringing grapes and chocolate. Cheryl had also visited him, without Brendan , and they got on like a house on fire as usual. Despite the aches and pains Ste just wanted to get back to work. He felt so useless and dependent on everyone around him and he wanted to do something for someone else for a change.

He was most excited to see his kids, they have never been away from him for so long and they where missing him as much as he missed them.  
Amy came to pick him up in a cab. He got a prescription of tablets and told not to drink alcohol until he had finished the course. for fuck sake, he worked in a club! urgh well that wont be fun. At least he can be out of hospital. Make some real food have a shower and lie in a comfy bed. Not his own bed obviously, unless someone had decided to save it from the wreckage.

xxx

Brendan sat at his desk and sipped down a cup of coffee. He had to persuade himself daily not to go see Steven. They weren't a married couple and Steven was better off without Brendan in the picture. Cheryl had told him he was coming out of hospital today, he probably wouldn't be at work for a while anyway but Brendan wanted to see him. He felt protective over him, didn't like going this long without setting eyes on him . He felt so tiny and frail compared to the rest of the world and if Brendan could he would hide him away in his bedroom forever, where the world couldn't get to them. Good idea actually..

He knew that he wanted Steven but he had wanted guys in the past and it had never amounted to anything like this. He didn't just want him sexually, he wanted to protect him and keep him safe. He hated Steven for making him like this, making him weak. In this world you have to be strong you can't show people what you care about, thats dangerous and is a perfect way for them to tear you down.

Steven was putting him in danger by giving people ammo to use against him. He loved Cheryl and now if people knew that him and Steven had a thing they could use that against him too. He didn't love Steven , he just had a weird protectiveness over him. He was vulnerable and weak because of him.

xxx

Ste got to the flat that would be his home for the most part of this year. It was the same layout as his was but it was decorated differently and it smelled funny, not like him...not like home.

'The kids will be back soon, they're at school. You can pick them up today'

'I can't wait' Ste said and smiled. He took a soother out of the packet and sucked on it. He hated the taste of them but if it helped soothe his burning throat then he would just have to put up with it.

He was sure he could go back to work straight away. Nothing was wrong with him not that would stop him being able to lift a few crates. His legs were a bit wobbly from being in the bed so much and his throat burned he was a bit dizzy but not much. He had a cough but it was a lot better than it had been.

He borrowed Amy's phone kissed her on the head then went into their new bedroom to call Cheryl.

'Hi it's Ste' Ste said with the soother in his mouth.

'Steven , your back'

'Oh, hi Brendan. Erm I was just callin to say that i can come back to work whenever.I'm fine now so.'

'You sure?'

'Yeh i need the money.'

'Alright well you can come in at 7 today , we will sort the rota out so you have your shifts back, it's been hell without ye'

'aww missed me?'

'Missed your man power Steven. Jaqui and Rhys and arn't exactly as helpful as you. You work like 3 men.'

'yeh yeh, See you at 7 then, if your there.'

'Yeah i am. Bye'

Ste put the phone down and sat on the bed. It was weird hearing Brendan's voice. He didn't know where he stood with him, probably just a fuck buddy when Brendan could be bothered. But he did save him from the fire, so he must care about him a bit at least.

Why does he have to be so confusing. Sometimes he wished he never met him, but then that thought disappears in a few seconds. In some ways Brendan is the best thing thats happened to him. He knows who he is now, he has a job which pays well enough for him to support Amy and the kids, He's happy when Brendan and him are alone together and Brendans in a good mood. It's when he gets violent thats what scares him, his step-dad used to beat him up and seeing Brendan like that petrified him.

He went back into the living room and looked at the time on Amy's phone before passing it back to her. 3:05 , He fancied a walk so decided to set off now and stop off at the shop on the way there.

He said goodbye to Amy then left the house, heading out of the council estate and down to the shop next to the club. When he reached it he grabbed some sweets for the kids then got some ingredients for tea. He paid the cashier and he had 3.50 left. It was only 3:15 and the school was two minutes away. He decided to go get a hot chocolate on his way , hoping he could drink it with his saw throat. He walked into Mobs and ordered his drink , when it came he sat down at a seat on his own and put his head over his folded arms on the table.

'Ye okay Steven'

Ste jumped and sat up, Brendan was in front of him with a coffee in his hand . He had his walls up as usual , looking completely uninterested by everything. Ste felt dizzy and put his head back down.

'mm, yeh. Fine'

'Maybe you shouldn't come to work. You don't look fine.'

Ste put his head back up then and took a sip of his drink. It burned his throat so he grimaced and wanted to spit it out but that wouldn't look good when he was meant to be fine.

'No, I'm just tiered thats all.'

'Hmm. ok i believe you.' Brendan said sipping his coffee then looking away refusing to sit down with Ste.

'What are you doin ere?' Ste said, sounding more hostile than he actually wanted to. But Brendan was never in Mobs or most other places round here apart from the club.

'Wanted a coffee, is that a crime.' Brendan lied. He wanted to see if Steven was well enough to come to work later, he had seen him coming here and followed him in. It was pathetic but he was just helping a friend.

'Nah, just you could av got one at the club.'

'What are you saying Steven' Brendan said sounding angry now.

'Nothing. Erm .. I better go , i'm picking up the kids.' Ste said before standing up and walking away quickly. He was scared he was annoying Brendan and he didn't want to get in his bad books.

'Cya' Brendan said to Stevens back , he noticed a price slice bag under the table and wondered if it was Stevens. He picked it up, looking inside. Cooking ingredients and sweets. Yep this was Stevens. He walked back to the club with it in his hand, this would be a good excuse to see him when he got home. Not that he was so eager to see him, just..Urgh stupid boy was making him act like some desperate ex girlfriend.

Ste got to the school gates just as they started letting the children out. He went in and picked up the Leah , then went to the infants to get Lucas; that's when he noticed he had left their sweets in Mobs.

'dammit.'

'What daddy' Lucas said looking concerned.

'Daddy left the shopping somewhere. We will go see if it's in Mobs.'

'Oh, no . Mummy will be angry you spent the money then left the food. Thats a waste.' Leah butted in acting way older than she should be. So mature for her age.

'I know, silly daddy.' They reached Mobs and looked to where he was sitting. It wasn't there. For god sake.

They walked back to the council estate and into the house. Amy was sat on the sofa watching TV. Leah ran up to her straight away grassing him in.

'Mummy, daddy has lost the shopping.'

'What do you mean he lost it.'

'He left it somewhere, but you can't get angry . It was an accident.'

Amy tuned to Ste.' Ste we can't afford to replace that. It'll be tea from a tin tonight.'

'I know sorry, it wasn't much . Just tea and some sweets for the kids.'

'Money we can't afford to waste. Go find it Ste.'

'I ave looked Ames . I can't find it. Someone probably nicked it dint they'

Amy tutted then went to get the kids out of their coats and bags.  
xx

Brendan decided not to go back to the club, knowing Cheryl would get suspicious if he looked like he had done some needed to buy some time before Steven got back home so he went around the long way to the dirt track that ran behind Ste's house He walked down slowly until he arrived at the council estate that the world forgot. Then he remembered he didn't know where Steven lived now. He looked at Stevens old house and harsh memories came flooding back. Holding Stevens lifeless body in his arms, how he got the burns that where still present on his skin. He walked out into the cul de sac and looked around the houses for any sign of Ste or amy, he stopped when he saw a pink scooter. He was sure he had seen Leah on that before.

He knocked on the door praying that Steven would open it. If Amy did he had to act all professorial and just drop off the bag.

moments later the door opened and Stevens eyes widened in shock. He stepped out of the door pushing a smiling Brendan off the doorstep as he went.

'Brought you something.' Brendan said lifting up the bag in his hand.

'Is that my..how did you..Why.'

'Care to finish a sentence Steven?'

'where was it?'

'In Mobs. I couldn't find you so i came here to give it to you instead.'

'How the hell did you know i lived here, i never told you'

'Recognized that. Leah's right?'He pointed at the scooter resting on the wall of the house.

Ste stood amazed. He wanted to bring Brendan in here right now, have tea with him and sit with Amy like a normal couple. He had missed him, missed the feel of naked toned skin against him. He had to control himself right now to not drool.

'er, yeh it is. Thanks Brendan...full of good deeds lately arn't yeh'

'As always' Brendan said and smiled in the way which made Ste go weak at the knees. which wasn't exactly a good thing when Ste felt weak enough as it is.

'ha, yeh totaly.'

'Your looking better, got some colour to you.'

'Yeh i am better, an i will be fine at work.'

'Whatever, i can see right through you Steven. you're still weak, don't work yourself hard will ye.'

'I've got you to make me hard, don't need to do it me self' It kind of fell out of his mouth. He looked at Brendan and blushed.. waiting for his reaction was the scariest thing ever.

'Do ye now?' Brendan said raising an eyebrow. Ste was obviously gagging for it and to be honest, he was too.

'mmhmm' Ste said stepping closer.

'well maybe i could help ye out, believe we had plans before ye decided to burn the house down. What about picking up where we left off?'

'sounds good.'

'tonight, after work , at mine yeah?'

'Okay, i'll tell Amy we're going clubbing or something..'

'Tell her your staying out.'

'Staying?'

Brendan smiled . 'If i re-call that was our plan.'

Ste wanted to dive into Brendans arms. like he had last time he said that. Staying over, like a couple and at Brendans house as well. He grinned up at him like a child who had been told they're going to Disney Land.

'See you at work Steven.' Brendan said and winked at Steven before walking off and heading back to the club. He had just gone against everything he had said before but for the moment he didn't care. He wanted Steven, Steven wanted him. As long as they where locked up behind closed doors where the outside world couldn't watch and judge them they would be fine.

xxx

Ste turned up to work bang on time. He was feeling a bit better and a lot happier, he greeted Cheryl and they chatted about how things where going in the new home . It was nice being back in familiar surroundings great just chatting to Cheryl in his baggy ChezChez uniform. Brendan walked out of his office and held the phone to Cheryl . She held it to her ear and started talking into it. Ste smiled at Brendan then headed down to the cellar to get a crate returning with it a few minutes later to empty it.

When he got back Brendan was behind the bar drinking coffee. Cheryl was still chatting loudly on the phone to Lindsay planning a night out by the sound of it.

Ste placed the heavy crate on the bar and stared slowly taking out bottles one by one to make sure he didn't end up dropping any.

'How are ye?'

'Yeh,good you?'

'Not bad.'

'What about your arm? and your leg'

'They're fine, a lot better actually.'

'I feel so bad Bren. You didn't have to come in after me. You could've died.'

'It's not your fault. I couldn't live with myself if i let you die' Shit that was so fucking girly.' I would've done it for anyone' Brendan lied then started to help emptying the crate.

'right.' Steven said not believing him.

'Certainly taken it's tole on you. Look at you, working at the pace of a normal person.'

Ste smiled. 'Yeh told me not to work 'ard.'

'And ye do everything i say don't ye'

'yeh I suppose I do actually. Bad that init.'

'I don't know, i quite enjoy it. Everything i say is a good idea.'

'Oi, I have good ideas too.'

'I haven't heard any.'

'Because you nevoh listen.'

'I do.'

'Well i think that when i said we should go to a club in liverpool, that was a good idea.'

'Apart form the fact you had a shift at the club..'

'Which someone could of have covered for meh'

'What about that time when you came into the club wearing a awful shirt. That wasn't a good idea.'

'Shurrup about the shirt. It wah decent.'

'Ye , like i said, for crossing the road when it's dark.'

Steven held back a laugh and pushed Brendan . The crate had been empty ages ago but they had got distracted talking.

Brendan pushed him back and smiled. 'Don't start with me ye wont win.' Brendan said squeezing his arm muscles and shaking his head.

'Yeh sayin im scrawneh.'

'nope. No of course not Steven.' He said smiling still.

Steven was about to prove him wrong when Cheryl came in.

'Oi, i don't pay you two to mess around. Get to work' She said smiling. Ste winked at Brendan before going to the kitchen to clean some dishes.  
xxx

'So whats the plan tonight then sis?'

'Well me and Lindsay are going out , again. Don't mind do you? i will be staying over with one of her friends in Liverpool.'

'No, it's fine. I'm sure i can run this place on my own. Now Stevens back we can organize you late party.'

'Yeah, now your both out of hospital' She said shaking her head.

'Sorry about that. I'll make it up to you' Brendan said and smiled.

'You don't have to make it up to me silly.'

'Well it will be a good party, only the best for my baby sister.'

Cheryl hit him in the chest lightly.'Shut up you.' She smiled and left after saying goodbye. Probably going to get ready for tonight with Lindsey. Him and Steven where alone after all this time...

Cheryl had opened the door on her way out because people would start coming in soon. Brendan sighed and went into the kitchen where Steven was washing dishes, it was like before when he couldn't control his own body his legs just walked until they where within inches of Stevens body .He stood behind him and threaded his arms around his waist. He was unbelievably horny and couldn't wait to get Steven home. He leaned in and kissed his neck, no one could see them in here and Brendan just couldn't resist him.

'Bren, i'm tryna work 'ere.'

'I'm not doing anything.'

Ste moved his neck away from Brendan's lips because he felt like if he kept doing that he would get a hard on right here in the club.

'Stop it.'

Brendan laughed but didn't move from behind Steven. He didn't want to but he could't help it. He loved being near him like this, it felt completely natural even though it was not natural at all.

Ste turned around so he was inches from Brendan's lips, Brendan didn't move his hands from around him. Ste placed a kiss on his lips but moved away quickly, he knows he shouldn't make the first move especially not in here.

'I need to go, ther will be a que at this rate.'

Brendan just groaned in response then followed Steven out eyeing him up until they where in view of other people. He felt like everyone was looking at him so he didn't speak to Steven. Instead he went into his office for a bit, leaving Steven to serve a few people before joining him and helping him out again. He kept his distance from Steven for the rest of the night. They chatted a bit here and there .

Steven left every so often to use the toilet or get a crate or collect glasses. Brendan wasn't behind the bar very often and Ste was a lot better at it , organizing his time well so he could collect glasses without ignoring customers. He would be fine on his own even though it was busy, but Brendan still didn't want him working too hard so he stayed until they locked up the club. It was 1:00am and there where only a couple of people in the bar. They left and went to Brendan's together.  
xxx


	6. The walls came tumbling down

As soon as they got through the door Brendan claimed the boys lips pinning him against the wall of his living room and kissing him deeply and passionately. He lifted him up so his legs where around his waist and his arms around his neck.

They pull away breathlessly chests heaving just from the kiss. Brendan still has the boy pressed against the wall, hands on his bum.

'You taste so much better than hospital food' Ste says licking his lips and playing with the hairs on the nape of Brendans neck.

'You know i can't have a conversation with you when you do that.'

'Do what?' Ste asked genuinely confused. Brendan was being wierd and calm. Was he about to say something coupely?!

'Bite you lip.'

Ste hadn't even realized he was doing it. He giggled and pressed his lips to Brendans again dragging their tongues together and moaning into his mouth because it felt so good.

Brendan carried Steven into his Bedroom dropping him gently onto the bed and climbing on top of him.

Ste bit down on Brendans bottom lip and pulled on it seductively, looking into his eyes like he was a god.

Brendan pulled up Stevens top licking a wet path up his stomach stopping to tweak a nipple then moving onto his neck pulling the top off Stevens head and sucking and biting making Steven squirm and curl his toes into the bed. He nibbled on Stevens earlobe before catching his lips again and using one hand to cup his dick through his joggers and boxers.

ste moaned and started to undress himself because he wanted Brendan to touch him right now but Brendan batted his hand away then pulled off Stevens joggers and replacing his hand rubbing this time along Stevens hard cock.

'Bren,please' Brendan loved it when Steven was bold like this. he smiled and then took his own suit off making Steven lick his lips , then bent back over him removing Stevens boxers and pumping Stevens dick hard and fast making him moan and lunge for Brendans mouth.

Brendan removed his hand and rolled them over so Steven was sat on top of him kissing him, and undoing his trousers and pulling them down , boxers as well, with both his hands.

He rolled his hips so their groins rubbed together and Brendan moaned and rolled them back over so he was on top, he was in control. He knew Steven was still relatively new to this and liked him leading the way.

They where both finally naked. Brendan rolled them over then moved down and took Steven in his mouth plunging down to the base and swallowing around him, no messing about.

' .Brendan'

Brendan pulled back and lapped at the tip of Stevens dick before plunging him down his throat again. He sucked and twisted and licked until Steven was putty in his removed his mouth and claimed Stevens lips again , placing a palm on Stevens heaving chest.

'Bren, just fuck me please.' It had been ages and Ste just wanted Brendan inside him.

'No, I don't want to hurt you.'Brendan would always make sure that Steven was ready, if he didn't he could hurt him and he couldn't even imagine doing that. His dad hurt him like that because Brendan wasn't ready, he didn't want it and he was too young.

Steven pressed his lips to Brendans and the images vanished from his mind, they burned away and where replaced by Stevens eyes , his long eyelashes fluttering around them. Brendan rubbed his finger against Stevens hole and Steven lifted his legs up, locking his ankles around Brendans muscular back.

Steven could just reach enough to pump Brendans dick slowly. Brendan pushed one finger into Stevens entry and his rhythm faltered on Brendans dick as pleasure rushed through him. He pressed his finger in deeply then pulled it out and grabbed some lube from the bedside drawer. He smoothed it over his fingers until it warmed up and pressed one finger back in fingering him quickly. He pushed a second in slowly and continued to finger him and Steven moaned Beneath him. His throat hitched in his throat when Steven squeezed the end of his dick lightly and swiped his thumb under the tip.

Brendan coughed then choked out a groan. He added a third finger slowly and It felt so good, Steven was so tight and warm around him. He fingered him slower now to try control the noise that Steven was making between kisses even though it was fucking hot he didn't want the neighbours banging.

He removed his fingers and pulled his lips away from Steven looking into his eyes as he sat back on his heels and grabbed a condom from the bedside drawer. He opened it with his teeth and slipped it on quickly, he then grabbed a bottle of lube and rubbed some along himself. He leaned down and kissed Steven then pulled away, the tip of his dick pressing against Stevens puckered entry.

'Ye ready for me Steven.'

'Yeh,please Brendan I am gagging for it.' Brendan chuckled under his breath, he loved making the boy beg. All self conscientiousness gone.

Brendan followed ordered, he slipped his dick into Steven and moaned at the amazing tight wet heat. He fucked him slowly to start with, being careful to keep Steven relaxed. Steven was moaning louder and louder Brendan kissed him and they both moaned into each others mouths because he felt so fucking amazing.

Brendan picked up the pace and felt his orgasm building. He wanted to make it last but he didn't have the strength. He rolled over so Steven was on top of him, they had never done this before and he felt like trying something new. Steven rode Brendan and Brendan changed the angle in his hip so he hit that perfect stop inside him every time.

Ste squeezed his eyes shut and Brendan sat up so he was inched from Steven. He kissed him deeply and moaned in his mouth then pulled away breathless.

'Steven , open your eyes. I want to see you when you cum.'

Ste obeyed and stared into Brendans eyes groaning and moaning uncontrollably and Brendan put his hands on his hip encouraging him to go faster.

Ste came over both their chests and Brendan supported him through it not changing the pace at all as he came inside him.

Brendan lied back against the wall at the front of the bed and Steven leaned on top of him. He went to pull out buy Steven stopped him.

'Wait, just stay like this for a second please.'

He was shocked that he couldn't say no. He just stayed there like Steven was controlling his every movement.

'You tired.'

'Yeh , you've tried me out.' Steven said as he lay on Brendans chest getting his breath back and his heart beat back to normal.

'mm, me too.' Brendan had been tired all day.

He lifted Steven off his dick and sat up further back , ripping the condom off and throwing it into the bin in the corner. He grabbed a top off the floored and cleaned Steven up with it and then himself. He looked at Steven and he grimaced.

'Ye okay?'

'No, my throat.'

'Well all that screaming wont help Steven.'

Ste stood up and grabbed his coat Brendan looked confused but realized when Steven grabbed a soother out of his coat pocket and popped it in his mouth.

He got back into bed still naked and Brendan sided down pulled the cover over him and put his arms around Steven.

Ste rested his head on brendans chest and put his arm across his torso.

'Throat still bad?' Brendan said full of sleep.

'yeh, gettin bettah though.'

'You should try warm honey.'

'Warm hunneh eww .i love honneh though.'

'You've never had it.'

'No, it's wierd.'

Brendan laughed and stood up walking to the kitchen naked and boiling the kettle. Steven came out in his dressing gown and stood watching him.

'That's mine fucko.'

'mm, i think you look much better without it.'

'Oh yeah.'

'yeah' Ste said biting his lip in that irresistible walked up to him and pulled him into a kiss then pulled away smiling and squeezed the boys arse for good measure before going to the boiled kettle.

He got honey out of the cupboard and squeezed it into a cup. Then he mixed in boiling water and an extra spoonful of sugar. He grabbed the whisky and was about to put it in.

'No!'

Brendan jumped, what was he shouting at him for.

'Sorreh, the tablets im on, not allowed alcohol.'

'Oh, right. Jesus Steven i almost had a heart attack. Here you can have it without.'

Steven took the mug and held it under his nose, it smelled lovely but he still wasnt sure. 'mm, smells good.'

'Carefull it's hot.' Brendan said patronizingly and watched as Steven cautiously took a sip. He smiled then sipped some more.

'Wow, this is actually really nice.'

'Don't sound so surprised.'

'well your not exactly NO.1 cook are you.'

'Point, but i'm not stupid.I can mix three things together.'

'yeh and it's well nice, it's actually helping my throat.' Ste said , he had already spat out his soother in the bin in Brendans room before following him out.

Ste yawned then swayed on his feet.

Brendan walked over to him, seeing he needed rest. He held him by the waist and steered him back into the bedroom.

Ste sipped his drink while they chatted then they got back to their former position in bed. He was talking away and his former dizzy spell was long gone. Brendan crawled over him kissing him deeply and meaningfully. Without even realizing it would go somewhere they went for round two.

They lay next to each other after, for once Steven shut up and panted heavily. He closed his eyes and cuddled up to Brendan putting his face on his chest and Brendan put an arm around him pulling him closer so there was no space between them.

Stes throat felt so much better and he fell to sleep in a few minutes. He felt so safe and warm wrapped up in Brendans arms like this, he never had this after sex feeling he did with girls. He was happy and safe and he just wanted to stay like this forever.

Brendan felt Stevens Breathing change as he fell to sleep. It was calming and he felt himself drifting off, he didn't feel scared of closing his eyes, scared what nightmares might force him to light snore calmed him and the feeling of protectiveness was nice and helped him sleep with a clear mind.

xxx

Brendan woke up but kept his eyes closed , he felt the space behind him where Steven should be running his fingertips over the material of his bed.

He sat up eyes barely open and looked slowly around the room. He turned his head to the side and saw him stood at the side of the bed putting clothes on.

Ste was ready for Brendans after sex bad mood. He was either stressed and quick to leave of he just ignored him completely.

'You going?' Brendan said and laid back on the bed pulling his eyebrows together but not in an angry way he was confused it was never Steven who left first.

'Just got a bit cold thats all.' Ste said nervously, he scratched up his arm with his opposite hand and stood waiting for Brendan to tell him to leave.

'Come back to bed then.' Brendan said and held out his arm. He was still tired and wanted Steven here, liked the feel of warm skin against his.

Ste couldn't hide his smile and he jumped back into bed making Brendan laugh.

They laid their in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Brendan assumed the boy had fallen to sleep but he was wrong.

Ste was laid on his back with Brendans arm around his neck. Brendan had his eyes closed but Ste had kept them open.

'It's alright innit. When it's just me and you.'

Brendan turned his head and opened his eyes, he was too tired to reply so he just let out one laugh and put his hand to his head running his finger over his forehead.

'I'm just sayin.' Brendan tutted then and moved his hand to rest beside him on the bed noisily. Ste held Brendans other hand that was next to Stes torso.

Brendan turned to face Steven but kept his eyes shut. 'You know what Steven, you talk too much.'

Ste laughed and moved his eyes from Brendan .

'Someone needs to shut ye up.'

'You what.' Ste said looking and Brendan again.

Brendan opened his eyes and pulled up the arm he had around Steven until their lips where pressed together. He kissed him once then let his arm drop a tiny bit and opened his ayes.

'Shhhh.' He said and pressed his index finger to his own lips then poked Stevens lips with it.

Ste laughed then was lowered back down by Brendans arm.

Brendan thought he could stay like this forever, he was actually happy with Steven here right now. But then he remembered that Cheryl could come back any minute and Steven needed to get out. But instead of shouting or anything he said it in the nicest was he could trying not to upset Steven.

'I don't want Cheryl finding out your here. Or anyone else for that matter sooo.' Brendan said raising his eyebrows over his closed eyes. Didn't think he would have the strength to ask Steven to leave if he opened his eyes. He could feel Steven turn and look at him, his eyelashes brushing against him as he did.

'no.'

Ste leaned over Brendan and looked at his phone. It was 6:46am but he didn't want to leave any time soon.

'It's only half two' Ste said still leaning up on one shoulder but not over Brendan. Brendan opened his eyes and brought his hand up to rest on Stevens shoulder rubbing his thumb along his neck. Tiredness making him go all soft.

'Okay.'

Ste smiled, his trick had worked. He laid back down onto Brendan in his normal position and closed his eyes.

xxx

Brendan sat up as he heard his front door open. For fuck sake, they could get caught. Cheryl shouted his name.

'Get out , go go.' Brendan whispered and helped push Steven off the bed.

Just as Steven was hidden Cheryl walked in, Brendan tried to act like he had just woken sat up on his elbows and looked at her kindly.

'What, whats going on what time is it.'

'Dont know, you tent to loose track of time when everything you care about is slipping through your fingers.' She wasn't on about Lindsey. Cheryl had mentioned before that one of her friends had terminal cancer, she was in bits. Her usual bubbly mood was gone and all Brendan wanted to do was comfort her.

'Sorry i forgot the good morning part.' SHe added and leaned against the door frame.

'it's okay . Why don't you go put the kettle on , i'll be out in a minute and you can tell me all about it.'

'You look terrible.' Brendan laughed at that. 'Yeah well i didn't get much sleep.' He said remembering last night.

'Neither did i. but my best friends dying whats your excuse?'

Brendan got angry then but not at Cheryl. She left and Brendan turned to Steven who sat up next to the bed.

'Hey that wer close wan it.'

'You need to get .' Brendan said through gritted teeth and stood up to get dressed. Steven would just have to sneak behind her or something.

Steven got dressed and grabbed his things. Brendan told him what he was going to do and Ste just nodded confused why Brendans mood had turned so sour.

Brendan walked out the room and grabbed the coffee Cheryl had left on the side then went to join her on the sofa.

Ste came out the room tiptoeing slowly past the stairs and into the kitchen.

'Brendan it's not fair, it's just not fair.' Cheryl was sat on the sofa biting her nails and Brendan was sat on the arm facing her.

'look, nothing i say is going to make this better but.' His voice was soft and low.

'But what iv'e just got to stay positive what does that mean, what does that even mean.'

'It means if she sees you falling apart it's only going to make it harder on her.' Brendan said and glanced over Cheryl's head to Steven then back to her fast so she didn't notice. 'Mourn her when shes dead not when shes still alive'

Cheryl looked up at him and he coughed and lowered his head.'Sorry that probably sounded a bit hard.' He was rubbish at this he just wanted to make Cheryl feel better.

'Don't change, please don't change.' Cheryl said and Brendan looked back up at her he felt like smiling but thought it wasn't a good time.

'What.'

'Because everything else is, i think i know something then i just get that punched in the stomach feeling again... I don't want to loose my best friend Bren.'

'I thought Lindsay was your best friend.' He said and smiled quickly then let it drop.

'No , she was a friend now she's just a back stabbing cow. Oh hi I'm sweet little Lindsey and yes i am sleeping with mal the one man you've ever truly loved but i didn't tell you because i didn't want you going and getting upset.' While she was talking Brendan looked at Steven and tilted his head towards the back door signalling for him to go while Cheryl was looking out the front window.

He smiled at Cheryl.'Like that would happen.' he said trying to keep her ging while Steven tiptoed across the kitchen to the back door.

'I'm not bothered by the fact they're seeing each other i'm just bothered by the fact they weren't up front with me'

That hit a nerve and Brendan put his head down, he wished he could tell Cheryl but he couldn't tell anyone. This wasn't ok and to be honest they weren't seeing each other officially.

Steven was only half way across the hall.

Brendan hated mal for doing this to her, it made him see red. 'Chez, let me batter Malachy.'

Ste looked over at Brendan then willing him to change his mind, that was a stupid thing to do he could get arrested and if Cheryl loved mal shes not going to want him battered.

'And not just because hes upset you but because i would really enjoy it.' He said and smiled at her.

Cheryl shook her head.'He's not worth it.'

Brendan laughed at that. ' What i've been saying.' He said and smiled at her. Malachy was not worth Cheryl, she could do so much better.

'Steph is dying of cancer and i'm supposed to start stressing over them two i don't think so.' She said and looked like she was about to cry. Brendan motioned to Steven again and smiled at Chery saying 'Hey, it's okay to cry come ere.' And pulling her into a hug to comfort her and so she couldn't see Steven crossing the room and he could. He pointed at the door and nodded and then talked over the sound of it opening.

'Your wit your big brother now. It's okay. I love ye.' He said and kissed her on the cheek.

Steven got out and Brendan sighed from relief that he didn't get caught.

xxx

Ste left and went to go get a burger. When he came out the shop leanne came running up to him shouting _oi _In that annoying voice of hers. He sighed and stopped to listen to her.

'I need you to pass on a message.'

Leanne had never spoken to Ste before so this was wierd. He took a bit from his burger.

'Talking to me.'

'Yeah, shes an engagement wrecking slapper.' What the hell was she on about.

'sorreh?'

'I said, shes an engagement wrecking slapper.'

'Yeh i know what yeh said. Who you talking about?' Ste said shaking his head. He just wanted to get home to Amy .

'Your flat mate Amy.'

Ste was actually offended by that. Ste and Amy used to be together and now they are Best friends and Leanne thinks it's okay to say that about her to him.

'What you slating Amy foh.'

'Shes trying to steal my fiance.' Leanne said through gritted teeth looking deadly serious.

Ste wanted to laugh. 'Lee?'

'Yeah'

'As in Lee hunter' He said and laughed.

'yeah whats funny' Leanne said looking him up and down nervously.

'Why would anyone want to steal Lee Hunter.' He said chewing on another bite of burger and still smiling.

'Em let me tell you something. Lee hunter is funny , sexy, intelligent. and talented and warm and-'

'Sorreh are we talking about the same person ere.' He said but Leanne carried on giving Lee hunter compliments that weren't true.

She finally finished then said.'Thats why she's after him. Thats why i'm with him.' She said angrily .

'Right, well if your upset maybe you should be having this out with him.' He said like he was talking to a five year old.

'Don't you worry i ave done. But if there wasn't an apple on the tree then eve wouldn't of eaten it.'

okay Leanne just got more weird every time she spoke.

'eve..So Lee is Eve?'

Leanne pulled her eyebrows together and carried on angrily.' Yeah and your matey mate Amy shes the snake.'

'...right. Can i finish my breakfast now please. He said holding up his burger.'

'Yeah but ..pass on my message.' She was talking quieter now.

Ste nodded his head and smiled. The she started again so Ste groaned and walked past her shoving more burger into his mouth.

'And you can tell her if she wants to fight for him it's a fight because she wont win.' Leanne said desperately and Ste just rolled his eyes and carried on walking.

He reached the flat and Amy was sat in the kitchen on the counter waiting for the kettle to boil.

'Oh yeah, here he is dirty stop out.' She laughed but Ste didnt he sighed and went to stand next to her.

'You don't even know.'

'Good night was it.'

'Could ask you the same fing.' He said pointing to a bottle of booze on the counter. He wanted to take the attention off himself.

'Yeah it was alright.'

'alright you got stuck into a bottle of the green stuff, there's no harm done.' He said in a mocking voice and amy grunted.

'ergh' She said and put the bottle into the bin.

'Or alright you got stuck into some other girls fience. A lot of harm done?' He said and laughed.

'Who have you been talking to?' Amy looked worried now.

'Not talking more like being shouted at.'

'Eugh by Leanne.' She spat her name out like it was something nasty.

'mm, shes got a messege for yeh. she said...hands off.'

'I don't believe this.'

'Well it was actually a bit worse than that but nobody likes to be insulted first thing in the morning do they.' He reached down to tickle Amy on the chin like a child.

'She doen't know what shes talking about.'

'Well i tried tellin er but she was having none of it.'

'I'm not surprised you should've seen her shes a right lunatic.'

'Well it was probably finding you with her fiance that was the problem he said and stopped laughing.

She faked a laugh at him and he folded his arms 'Nothing happened.'

'Because you didn't want it too or?'

'whats that supposed to mean?'

'do yeh fancy him?'

'Hes engaged' She said looking down at her feet and shuffling them slightly.

Ste smiled . 'That didn't answer me question' Amy did fancy Lee Hunter HA.

She groaned.'I didn't mean for things to go this far'

'This far,i thought you said nofing appened' he said smiling slightly at his best friend.

'It didnt..'She played with her hair. Ste knew she did that when she was nervous.'Apart from..maybe a kiss.' She said and let out a nervous giggle like it was nothing but her face wasn't smiling.

'Yeh snogged him!'

'no, yeah..urgh it's no big deal.'

'oh yeah because it's not like hes just cheated on his girlfriend is it.'

'Cheating is it?'

'Oh right so thats fair game id it. No wonder shes kicking off at yeh.'

'aww how did i end up in this meeesss.' Amy groaned looking at Ste.

'More to the point how did yeh end up kissin Lee Hunter..eurgh.'

Ste walked off into his room to get changed. When he came back Amy was picking up kids toys off the floor.

'Hey, Amy Barnes in husband steeling scandal, who'd have thought it.'

' .very funny. They arn't married.'

'Not yet' Ste said with a smile on his face walking towards her and crouching down next to her 'So you'll have to move fast to make sure that doesn't happen wont yeh.'

'Your loving this arn't you.'

' it's's nice to know it's not just me who can mess up his own life.' Shit. Amy always ended up making him say something he shouldn't hes too comfortable with her.

'ohh yeah' She said following Ste as he walked into the kitchen she had a smile on her face. 'So when do i get the details.'

'sorreh'

'Well we have head enough about my failure of a life, lets move on to yours.'

Ste shook his head. 'Oh no no no no no, your life is far more entertaining than mine.'

'Aww you must really like her,or be really embarrassed.'

'Why?'

'Because everyone loves telling an ex when they find someone new.'

'well im a changed man arn't i.' He said, again it just fell out of his mouth. He hoped Amy wouldn't notice, he was scared to tell her.

'Who changed you?' She said walking up behind him.

'nobodeh.'

'Does nobody have a name.'

'whatevers happenin in my life it's boring compared to yours.'

she smiled widely and clapped.' So there is something happening.'

He smiled as he remembered Brendan and him last night. 'Sort of.'

'That brilliant.'

'No your getting ahead of yourself now.'

'no i'm being serious i'm really happy for you.' She said and smiled giving him a hug.

'Cheers.'

While Ste was tidying up Amy was throwing names at him trying to guess who he was with. All girls names.

'It it a McQueen.'

'Yeah you guessed right in the end.'

'Which one which one?'

'I've been getting it on with Myra ant i.'

'congratulations when's the wedding.'

'Can you just leave it now please.' He was getting worried, he could feel his heat beat pick up.

'Is it rae'

Ste opened the cupboard door almost hitting her in the face with it.

'Well i'll take that as a no then.' She folded her arms and leaned them on the top of Ste's back resting her head on top.

'definitely not Gem. Shes waay out of your league.'

'Cheers' Ste mumbled looking down and washing pots to put away. ' You probably wont even know em anyway.'

'Do i know them? OMG is it Cheryl' She smiled and pointed at Ste and ste turned his head to the side. No it's her brother Brendan, yeah im gay he is too.. it think.

'Big Cheryl, don't be stupid.' Amy smiled and rubbed her hands together.

'Yeah your right that would be fuuny.' She leaned forward and looked down 'hi ste' The she looked up to the celling and said 'Hi Cheryl.'

She put her head on Stes shoulder and laughed.

'Not as funny as you having an affair with little lee hunter.

She stopped laughing then and fiddled with the hood on Stes back.

'Maybe i'll have to start asking mates must know.'

'What.' Ste said wide eyed . Brendan would kill him if Amy started doing that, he would finish him as well.

'Amy' He said fear in his voice.

'Or do i have to start following you.' Ste shook his head he was nervous now and he had to name someone, anyone believable.

'Ill get a restraining order.'

'I will find out Ste you know i will.'

'you've already guessed anyway.'

'Sorry?'

'It's Rae. it's just Rae init.'

'Urgh her. well. Thank god. I thought you were seeing some right wierd she said and walked off into the living room.

Stes smile dropped from his face as soon as she was out of sight. He wanted to tell her, but he was scared of what she would think, and even more scared of what Brendan would do.

xxx

Amy was stood near the door putting her coat on.

'Right, i'm going to the library . Hopefully i wont bump into loony Leanne.'

'Nope she will be too busy makin a doll of you, to stick pins in.'

Ste laughed and went to walk off but Amy grabbed his arm.

'Hey i know this might sound a bit ..pathetic. But it feels like we are really moving on.'

'Yeh finally.'

She smiled.'And i'm dead happy for you.'

'cheers'

'aww' She said and pulled him into a him, she was smiling but Ste couldn't he hated lieing to her.

'what was that for.'

'Just wanted to.'

'Well it kinda felt like a goodbye not kickin meh out are yeh?'

'No why would i kick out me best ,mate.'

'That sounds well weird.' THey had never said it out loud to each other. It was always girlfriend or boyfriend before.

'Being honest with each other that feels wierd. no one knows me as well as you do.'

'no shh, no one knows how much of a screw up i am.' He said swallowing , he felt so bad and he needed to tell her.

'Shh your not, anyway maybe Rae will sort you out, good look to her.' She said and walked off.

Ste took in a shaky Breath.'It isn't Rae.'

'I know but you said.'

'I know what i said.' Ste was petrified and it showed on his face. Amy smiled.

'I don't believe you who is she then.'

Ste closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. 'It isn't a she. Its a he, i've been seeing a man.'

Amy opened her mouth in shock and Ste didn't look at her, he looked down at the ground ashamed, he was shaking.

xxxxxx

**PLease review. Sorry if there was words missing. I don't know why it does that but i do try find them. If anything doesn't make sense you'll know why :) much love xx**


	7. Blind to the world

**Haven't**** edited this because im in a rush so sorry for the many mistakes there probably , please review. sorry im very busy at the moment. Its my last 29 days of school and my last couple of months of exams, very important time but there will always be time for my babies embo and tashrash. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\**

Brendan sat at home on the sofa watching a movie with Cheryl. He wasn't paying attention., him and Steven almost got caught today. What was he thinking having girl sleepovers with a boy. This wasn't him. He wasn't weak , he wasn't. Steven was making him like this, changing him. His baby sister who will Steven try and tell next? NO way did he sleep that long, Steven told him the wrong time. All this wont mean anything when Steven is stood their in front of him beautiful and venerable , all morals go out of the window. Steven was trying to let people know, trying to make out that Brendan was ...gay. He wasn't gay, he wasn't like that . Being gay is disgusting and wrong, 'your not a man unless you have a wife and children Brenda' . Steven was just a one off, he can't be gay and have a family back home.

Cheryl turned to Brendan and laughed so Brendan choked out a fake laugh and pretended to pay attention to the TV. He wanted to crawl inside himself and die. Everyone around him was better than him in so many ways. He was surrounded by people his better , daily. Just like his dad said , he was worthless. He would leave it it wasn't his baby sister.

xxxxxxx

Amy stood passing the room in front of Ste. It reminded him of when he'd done something at school, but he was relaxed Amy was taking this well, no shouting or crying..yet. Fingers crossed.

She brushed her fringe back over her head facing away from ste. She had walked out last night for work , probably in shock but this morning it was amy time. She had walked up to him and sat him down on the sofa , a calming smile on her face.

''We need to talk.'' she had said then went to go make us both a cupa.

Ste gulped down the lump in his throat. He hadn't even thought about this himself, how did it happen , why did it happen, where they together. Of course they wern't together, not in Brendans eyes.

Amy stood while Ste sat arms crossed on the sofa , he was nervous but talking to Amy was like breathing , easy. He could do this with her.

He knew she couldn't know about Brendan, Brendan would flip and what he could do to Ste..what he knew he was capable of doing. Ste grimaced at the painful memories. Brendans eyes glazed like he wasn't even looking at Ste , his harsh words that didn't sound like his own.

''Ho..How is this possible? we have two kids. All those times we...y'no. You weren't gay then.''

She turned to face ste and stared expectantly. Ste didn't even know the answer. He wasn't gay then he did love amy. He looked down and pulled his brow together in thought.

''Or where you. OMG was it fake, was i a sham'' She looked truly upset and Ste wanted to laugh, trust her to turn this around so she is the victim. Ste Loved her for not piling on the pressure too early.

''Course not'' Ste said , he thought it was the truth. He did love her, he just didn't get the feeling he gets when he is with Brendan. It's like hes taken a drug , he needs him rather than wants him. It's different.

''soo..you did fancy me then'' She said a smile creeping it's way onto her face.

''Yehh''

''And not just when i had hair like a boy.'' She said and laughed. ste smiled but he didn't find it so funny. He was the reason she had hair like a boy, he cut it off. He did that to her. It made him sick to think about the man he used to be.

She came to sat down next to ste and pushed her blond hair behind her ears. ''I'm sorry i'm just..this is big. I'm kinda nervous.''

''And im not.'' Ste said and his voice reminded him of a sulking child. He had a pout on his lips and he looked up at amy through his long eyelashes. He wasn't just nervous, his stomach felt like a washing machine and his brain felt like mush. Nothing connected. He was petrified.

''Have you ever..been with a bloke before.'' Amy said raising her eyebrows and smiling. Ste relaxed a bit, glad they had got back to joking happy Amy again.

''well.. ther wah this guy in young offenders me mate callum..'' He started and Amy raised her eyebrows and her jaw dropped. He knew what he thought but he hadn't been with anyone apart from Brendan. He was just starting from where it begun for him, his first feelings.

''i haven't..no we didn't do didn't''

She leaned in closer and stopped smiling, she looked kind of evil right now actually. She was loving this.

''What about this new bloke , have you.. you know.''

Filthy thought filled Stes mind and he could feel blood run to his cheeks. He cover his face with his arms and amy gasped and put her hands over her mouth. This was more than embarrassing, but she seemed okay with it. He thought no one would understand that it was okay to have these feelings. But he could always count on Amy..the rest of the world he wasn't so sure about.

xxx

Brendan was at the club with Cheryl. He was on Crate duty but he really couldn't be bothered. There was a delivery due in 20 minutes which he would have to empty.

He pulled out of his phone to text one of the staff members he knew would be willing to come and help. Brendan gave him bonuses anyway.

To:Steven

Need to start shift earlier-20 mins?

He pressed send then grabbed an empty crate to take up and pick up empty bottles with, he walked up the stairs and smiled at Cheryl who was sat on the sofa filling in some paperwork. He wanted Steven here but he knew it was risky, he could easily tell Cheryl. He filled the crate then went to the bottle bin to empty it whistling on his way. He spotted Dennis and decided to have some fun . He emptied the bottles and walked up to him chatting to him normally and smiling. The suddenly he moved his face inches from him then shouted ''What!'' in his face.

The boy was so scared he fell back three steps then ducked away. Brendan laughed loud and hard and Dennis mumbled and walked away.

''Thats never gunna get old mole man.'' Brendan shouted behind him still laughing.

He secretly loved Dennis , he was the funniest thing he had ever seen. In another life they could have actually be best friends.

He walked back to the club in a happier mood and went into the kitchen to wash dished. He was their for about 15 minutes and his hands felt dry and itch. He wasn't really concentrating on what he was doing because as per usual Steven was controlling his mind, warping it and mixing everything into him. Brendan smashed a glass against the wall in a sudden burst of anger and he didn't even know what he was angry at. He went down to the cellar to get a crate, needed to feel the burn in his muscle to take his mind off anything to do with Steven before he did something stupid like risk Cheryl finding out again.

xxx

''What about Ronald.''

''Don't know'' Ste said taking his tea from amy and placing it to his lps for a sip.

''ermm Channing tatum taitum whatever..''

''I don't even know who that is.'' She had been doing this for a while, expecting Ste to be the perfect gay best friend. Having slumber parties and staying up watching chick flicks.

''Surely robert downey juniour''

Ste sighed . ''Ames.''

''Because i know straight men who say they would.''

It was wierd that so easily she was classing him as not a straight man, he wasn't in that category anymore. He licked his lips and tilted his head away from her then looked at her like he looked at the kids when they had been naughty.

She seemed to get it and looked down . ''Sorry.''

''It's okay..out of everyone you where the person i was most dreading telling but you've made it easy, listening and not freaking out on meh..thankyou'' They were so close and this could have ruined everything.

she smiled widely and looked at him like he truly admired him.''awwhh'' she said and Ste smiled and sipped at his tea again, he loved that it was this easy with amy.

xxx

**I know i never do a little Cheryl bit but it's just short and i needed this :).(go back in time a bit as well )**

Cheryl sat in the office looking at the CCTV from the night before. She could hear that Brendan was washing up dishes so he was well distracted, he hadn't been in last night and he was yet to find out that Warren had come back.

She watched as Warren moved crates off the center of the floor to the edge doing what he wanted like he bloody owned the place. He had a scarf pulled over his face and his hood up, only his eyes showing. He stopped what he was doing and walked up to the camera , he looked really scary. Suddenly the camera froze and Cheryl realized he had disconnected it .

She shook her head and turned it off. What the hell was he doing in her club doing what he wanted.

xxxx

Ste sat with amy he had about 5 minutes before he had to set off for Brendan. He smiled as he watched TV at that thought, Brendan wanted him there early and Ste knew why.

When amy spoke her voice was quiet and ste looked at her worry on his face.''Ste...all this confusion, frustration is it the reason wh.. why you.. y'know.''

Ste looked at her blankly and she closer her eyes.''Why you used to hit me.' She said and looked down.

Ste didn't want to believe he had been that selfish, that he had done that to her because he didn't know who he was. That wasn't a reason at all. He was sick back then. It was his fault and he wasn't gay then ..was he..

''No'' Ste said and looked at her sensierly. ''It wah nofing to do with you, i wah messed up. What i did to yeh''He looked down. '' There are no excuses for that and you must nevoh think that.''

''Okay'' Amy said without even a hint of smile and looked down at the ground again.

''Nevoh.'' He stared at her untill she finally smiled.

''Okay...soo anyway who is this amazing new man who turned you.''

Ste swallowed and attempted to laugh but choked on it.

''ehm..it's well complicated.'' He said shaking his head and he wanted to get out right now.

''Aww, thought we were cool.''

''it's early days i don't really know how i feel about him yet..or me. Look i don't want to rush into things do i.''

Amy smiled at him and he calmed down.

''But as soon as it's sorted out upstairs you'll be the first to know.'' He said and held out his little finger. ''I promise.''

they both laughed and he pulled her into a hug . ''Ilove yeh Ames .''

xxxxx

Ste walked into work a few minutes late and Brendan was stood in the cellar watching his clock. No surprise he knew exactly what Brendan wanted and he wasn't complaining.

Brendan looked up and smiled and Ste smiled back hugely and bit his lip walking right up to him. Brendan snapped out of it then and remembered why he was here.

''Glad you could come at short notice.'' He said but he couldn't help looking the boy up and down, couldn't take the seduction out of his voice.

''cours you couldn't keep me away Ste said and put his hands on Brendans suit blazer holding onto it tight.

Brendan shaked his head to clear it but doesn't actually move. The musky thick warmth moved from his thought and his face turned stern, he put his hands on Stevens and pulled them away, forcing him to hurt Stevens feelings even though by doing it he hurt he deserved it and Steven needed it otherwise he could walk all over him. Brendan will call the shots and say when and where , it's safer for both of them.

''We have an unexpected delivery, ten crates out the back, you know when your ready.'' His eyes kept moving down to Stevens lips and he couldn't help watch as the smile fell from them and turned to a delicious pout. He was angry with him but it took all his strength to turn away. He patted Steven on the shoulder because he craved some sort of physical contact then he walked past him even though his whole body screamed at him to do the opposite.

Ste was confused, Brendan just blanked him but he could tell he wanted him. Maybe he didn't know him like he thought he did. What had he done to put him in a bad mood. What had he done wrong.

xxx

Brendan had been away for a while and Ste had been working hard all day. He was in the cellar and Brendan wanted to go see Steven and be civil with him at least, he didn't like being away from him at all.

He opened a bottle of beef then walked up behind him.

''Drink.'' He said and Steven turned his head a scowl across his face. '' Think you deserve a break''

He smiled at Steven and he took the drink slowly, when he grabbed the drink he put his hand over Brendans and just held it there. Brendan loved the contact and he was desperate ste looked up at him through bambi eyelashes.

Brendan just stood there, he was paralyzed he couldn't back away or move. He looked into his eyes and shuffled on his feet slightly, hos feeble attempt to walk away. Steven moved forward and Brendan blinked.

''Stop.'' He couldn't let Steven so this, not after what he had done. What if someone walked down?! He looked at him angrily. ''What the hell do ye think you're doing.''

''I'm sorreh'' Steven said and pulled away.''I just thought..''

Brendan was pretending to be angry because he couldn't be when he wanted him so badly.

''What did i tell ye about-'' He cut off when he heard someone walk in and he stepped away from Steven because he was too close to him and people could see would have happened if Brendan would have let go and been weak. He had just saved them both.

Amy walked in with a smile on her face. ''Hi guys... everything alright .'' she said looking at stes face.

Ste swallowed nervously and tried to fake a smile, what if Amy had seen, or if she noticed it was Brendan. Brendan would batter him.

''W..what're you doing ere.''

''Left this at home you numpty'' She said handing him his phone then leaning in the whisper in his ear. ''Thought you might need it, incase someone special calls.''

She smiled and Brendan heard it smiling evily behind her and chewing his gum loudly.

Ste faked a laugh . When he spoke his voice broke with fear and he just prayed Amy didn't notice.''Brill thanks..I realleh need to get on with this delivereh me so..'' He said and forced another shaky smile.

''well ive gotta get back anyway , see you soon.'' She said and smiled as she left.

''Cya''Brendan said and turned back to Ste smiling in that angry way he does that makes Ste think he is insane. Then he raised his eyebrows and stopped smiling.

''Don't worreh she didn't see anyfin.''

''And how do you know that''

''Because she definately would've said...it's cool.''

''For your sake Steven..i hope your right.''

Ste nodded and Brendan smiled. He scared Ste when he was like this and he hated it.

Brendan was scared but he didn't show it. He had to show he was the stong one here, he left Steven in the cellar and as soon as he turned his face fell and he wanted to scream. The idiot almost got us caught twice now.


	8. Weakness

Ste dragged his feet along the concrete on his way to work the next day. He hadn't slept much after what happened yesterday. How could he have been so stupid. Brendan hopefully wont still be angry with him but he was still scared, didn't want to see the side to him he had seen before.

He reached the club and pulled down his hood. His eyes danced as the light scorched them and he groaned. He took in a deep cold November breath and shivered before he continued to walk up to the stairs; He went up the stairs and through the double doors on the balcony, passing the black statue that he hated so much because it scared the crap out of him on a dark night.

When he walked in it seemed there was no one in , Brendan was probably in his office and Ste was the only other one in this morning. He looked at the rota and there was a delivery in 20 minutes ago , He prayed to god it was crates or something light because he didn't think his little arms could take it this morning if it wasn't.

He made himself a coffee and sat down to drink it, making the most of the absence of his boss. When it was done he sat down to drink it at the bar it warmed him up and at the same time woke him up. He actually felt like he wasn't going to collapse if he didn't sleep soon. The coffee burned his tender throat but he ignored it as best he could.

The coffee cleared some of the fog in his head so he could think straight. Brendan was probably going to be very angry with him and he has to do everything he can to not make him angry today. It was so stupid of him to try kiss him yesterday. But he wanted it Ste could tell he did, he's just stronger than Ste is .

He finished his drink then headed to the kitchen, sill not wanting to face the delivery that needed bringing up the stairs, urgh. He found some dishes to clean and got to work. Taking his time and making sure that every one of them was absolutely spotless. He was good at this, they didn't have a washing machine at home either so it is something he always does. Kinds feels relaxing, he can almost feel little Leah tugging on his trouser leg and Amy chatting in the background.

He still hadn't seen Brendan which was quite weird. He was probably just busy, hopefully not avoiding him.

Ste finally forced himself to go get the delivery in, he was already feeling tired again and it looked like he was going to run off caffeine today.

His worst nightmare came true. There was crates but they where placed on top of heavy metal kegs, lots of them. Ste groaned and walked heavy footed down the stairs. The bright light hurting his tired eyes.

He bent down and picked up a green crate of bottles with little effort needed.

"Hello"Amy smiled and strutted towards him.

Ste turned and didn't even attempt a smile. He turned around to put the crate carefully back onto the keg it was resting on.

"First you forget your phone and then you forget your keys, something or someone on your mind?" She said and smiled evilly as she held them both up in the air to show Ste.

Ste just looked down, he wished he could tell her how right she was, wished she could tell her everything. "Sorreh" he said monotone, must have sounded like he didn't mean it.

Amy cocked her head to the side and looked at him apologetically. "everything alright?"

"yeh" Ste lied..badly. He had a face like a slapped arse.

Amy looked him straight on and raised her eyebrows signally she didn't buy it.

"yes" He insisted but she still didn't buy it. He tutted and shuffled on his feet looking away then turning back to her. He spoke in a quiet voice now and didn't look her in the eye. " I jus don't want anyone findin out yet you know what i mean."

She smiled at him and pouted. Sometimes he wished everyone in the world could be as laid back as Amy was. "oh, yeah. Mums the word."

Ste bit his bottom lip and stuck his thumbs up at her. then silently he turned to pick up the crate thinking that would be the end of it.

"But when do i get to meet this new mystery man." She said it loudly and there couldn't have been a worse time for Brendan to walk down the stairs.

Ste opened his mouth and rested his tongue on his lips, he was anticipating dark glares and angry whisperes. But for some reason he felt like smiling, Brendan looked hot as ever, mouthwateringly good. There where hairs poking out where his buttons where un-done and Ste just wanted to lean over and scrape his tongue along them. Ste stood up straight when Brendan reached the bottom step.

"no offence love, but im not paying him to talk to you all day." He had his eyebrows raised slightly and a tiny up-turn at the corner of his lips. He actually looked quite cheery today, maybe even happy to see Ste...Ok he was going overboard now.

Brendan put Ste in a much better mood. "Oi, thats the mother of me kids your talkin to." Ste joked and had to hold back a huge smile so amy wouldn't see.

Brendan leaned in close to Amy. " You don't have enough lead in your pencil mate." he said and Amy smiled looking back at Ste. Ste raised his eyebrows and Brendan and he looked so fucking cute right now. " Tell him to come clean Amy whoe's the real daddy."

Ste loved how low and husk Brendans voice was And he had an accent that made every work shoot straight to his dick. "you what you cheeky get. We've only seen pictures of your kids" he said and smiled at Brendan properly this time. Brendan cocked his head to the side as Ste continued. "and yeah probebleh downloaded them off the internet."

Brendan smiled and sighed . " i'm all man, isn't that right Amy." He said but actually spent the majority of the time looking at Ste asif he was talking to him. Ste bit his lip and Brendan thought he looked irresistable. Brendan was definitely all man..

Amy held up her hands and stepped back from in between the two lads. "i'm not taking sides."

"spoken like a true diplomat." He said then turned back to Ste. When he spoke next he never broke eye contact even as he started to make his way back up the stairs. It made Ste's heart beat faster, he felt wanted.

"When your finished with these, theres a coffee waiting." he signaled with his pen up the stairs then quickly looked Ste up and down because he couldn't help it then he turned and left, dragging his eyes from the boy like screaming children who didn't want to leave the park.

Ste softened his eyes and bit his lip as he watched Brendans advance up the stairs. He was actually happy now and it was showing. But Brendan wasn't angry with him they had gotten past yet another little fight and they where going to be ok. Nothing made Ste happier.

"tah" he said and continued to watch as Brendans pert arse swayed with each step. He had to refrain from drooling.

"since when did you two become so matey?" Amy said in a strange tone.

Ste scrunched up his face, what a stupid question. It's Brendan he doesn't just like him as a mate. But of course he couldn't tell Amy that so instead he settled for more lies.

"We've always got on."

she looked at him like he was an idiot. "no you used to hate him."

"Brendan is alright once you get to know him." pfft alright. More like amazing, irresistible... He looked uo to where Brendan had just entered and he had to turn to hide the smile appearing on his face.

Amy raised her eyebrows and Ste grabbed a Keg, failing miserably to pick it up himself.

"Gis a hand with this?" He said and Amy walked forward to help him, a tiny smile on her face. She put Ste's phone in her pocket and grabbed one side of the keg with two hands.

xxxxxx

Ste was down in the cellar placing bottles on a shelf when Brendan came up behind him, he could hear him slurping on what he guessed was a coffee.

"Nice girl your Amy."

"Yeh" Ste said not being able to turn around yet.

"yeh"

" it's wierd though, we get on so much better now were not together" Ste said placing another bottle on the shelf.

"Pressures off isn't it." Brendan said in a low voice. He watched as the muscles in the boys arm clenched and relaxed as he lifted.

"too true." Ste said and grabbed a box, placing it carefully so that it wouldn't fall.

Brendan sipped at his coffee wanted to know more about these two. From what he could see, they look like a couple. And that is perfect because no one would suspect a thing between them two. "you must get people assuming your still a couple?"

"Sorreh" Ste said and turned around. Brendan handed him his coffee and Steven blew on it, looking up into Brendan eyes through his dangerously long eyelashes in that irresistable way that Brendan loved.

"You and Amy, living together. Sharing responsibility of the kids. Come on. Dont say you've never been tempted to pick up where you self off." The last bit came out as a whisper Brendan was letting his own insecurity to get to him and he wasn't used to it. He smiled at him self pathetically.

Steven looked at Brendan lips, they where stood so close now. " i've moved on." he sighed like he'd said it millions of times before.

Brendan watched as Stevens eyes flashed from his own eyes to his lips. His mouth was open slightly and the tip of his tongue was showing. Brendan forgot everything he was talking about. It was like Steven just erased it all from his mind with one look.

"i'm glad to hear it." him mumbled in alow voiced and stared at the curve of Stevens lips, the wetness of his tongue.

Steven wanted to kiss him so badly, but he didn't want a repeat of the other night. Brendan moved in instead and pressed their lips together perfectly then pulling away half an inch to look at Stevens beautiful blue eyes.

Ste was so happy Brendan had given him permission to kiss him right now. It felt like his skin was actually itching for his touch, he craved him.

Ste moved in this time rubbing his lips slowly along Brendan, tasting him and enjoying the warmth and the burn of his moustache. Then he got more frantic, more aroused. He pulled a hand up to cup Brendans neck and kissed him fast, dragging his tongue along Brendans and it felt so good, so passionate and full. Not like when he kissed Amy or Rae. Like something he has never felt before.

Brendan heard footsteps and pulled away from Steven seeing sense again. His heart beat fast and he breathed deeply calming himself. His eyes where wide as he stared at the direction of the door.

"whats the matter" Ste said and smiled then leaned in again to catch his lips. He didn't get a chance to because Brendan pulled away even further.

Stevens hand fell from his neck and onto his cheek. It took all his strength to move away but he couldn't let them get caught again. Steven was making him be this careless. He wanted to keep Stevens hand there where it was warm and comforting, wanted to kiss him more than anything but he knew it was knew this was dirty and he had to keep it hidden.

"shouldn't you be getting down to cash n' carry?"

Stevens gleaming smile fell from his lips making his eyes go dim and glaze over with confusion ; Brendan wanted to do anything to get it back. But he would be strong.

"i fort."

"why don't you just do what i say got a business to run" Brendan spat wide eyes into his face, he couldn't let him finish the sentence. Hearing filthy promises of what could have been. Steven pouted and drew his eyebrows together in the way Brendan hated because it made everything even harder. stubborn and Brendan loved it. " well go on, now. Go" he said moving his head in the direction of the door.

Ste sighed and put down his coffee shuffling out of the door. Brendan induced good mood now flipped into Brendan induced bad mood.

As soon as Ste left Brendan looked down and sighed. He was sick of this. Would be so much easier if he was just normal. He knew who came down, it must have been Amy. He recognised the sound of her shoes as she turned and walked away. His heart picked up then, why would she turn around. Amy must have seen them.

xxx

Brendan left the club without thinking twice, his heart going a mile a minute but he didn't show it. He was so used to hiding his emotions it was almost like he wasn't able to show them.

He swallowed back a lump in his throat as he neared the flat, not really sure what he was going to do.

He pressed his knuckles into the wood twice trying to hold back his anger and not punch a whole through the door. Amy opened straight away , she opened her mouth asif she was about to say something then looked at Brendan and clamped it shut , her eyes widening slightly.

"Think we need to have a little chat, Amy." he said to the ground. When he managed to force a half convincing smile he looked back at her and she returned it.

He swallowed a lump of anger and walked in pushing the door shut behind him. He pointed into the living room , the familiar layout bringing back unwanted memories. Him crouched down on the floor with a naked, half dead Steven in his weak arms. He blinked them away as he walked turning them instead into anger.

Amy brought him in a cup of tea then sat opposite him in a dining room chair. Brendan took it and lowered it in his arms stirring it slowly with the spoon, calming himself down.

Amy giggled awkwardly as he watched the tea swirl and steam in his hands, he wanted to smash it over the wall and he could feel his hands trembling, itching for some release.

He looked at amy and laughed back fakely then continued to stir his tea. He was more of a coffee man to be honest.

He tried desperately to calm down and ended up sitting there with a stupid grin on his face. He brought the tea up to his lips and appreciated the refreshing and clensing burn down his throat.

"mm,mmm" he mumbled to Amy and she smiled shyly. "thanks, thankyou for this." He said and took another sip, his hands slowly calming.

"oh it's nothing." she said and slouched in her chair, fiddling with her fingers.

"soo erm Amy..You've been spying on us." His words sounded harsher than he intended . He bit his tongue to stop himself from shouting.

"No" she said wide eyed full on serious. "no" she repeated and Brendan forced another crooked smile to his face and tilted his head to the side. " Ste, mentioned he had been seeing someone then this morning there was just something about the way you two were getting on.."

Brendan looked down as his hands squeezed the cup and trembled uncontrollably. So he had seen them, Steven had blown their cover. Why would he say he was seeing someone!

Brendan smiled ." yeah, right..Yeah." He said forcing himself to look up at her. 'The way you two where getting on' Is it that obvious? what if other people have noticed! Steven needs to be more careful.

Brendan looked down and stirred his tea again, he was close to breaking point now.

"I'm just so glad he's found someone so...nice."

Brendan looked up and laughed manicly, then laughed even harder at her confused face. Nice, wow " You so don't know me." He said then carried on laughing like a mental case. How could she possibly think that..

Amy smiled awkwardly but it was obvious she didn't find anything funny. " look Brendan, it's fine.."

Brendans hand trembled obviously as he put his cup down. He didn't make eye contact, he could even put into words how small he felt right now, like a weak little child. " is it" he mumbled.

"yeah and your secret is more than safe with me."

Brendan looked up and made an exagerated shocked face. Letting himself exhale slowly to calm his rising anger. "oh, is it now."

"mmhmm, yep. Not a word." She whispered at him,like she was talking to a child again.

Brendan swiped invisible sweat of his forehead then laughed. He felt all itchy and buzzing inside. it was wierd.

" I'm just so ..pleased for the both of you." she said as if they where a fucking cute couple.

He lifted his already clenched fists into the air saying "yeah" and shaking them slightly. She leaned forward excitedly and hugged him. Brendan laughed more , not even hugging her back. He didn't want to be touched right now.

"sorry" she said and Brendan smiled at her.

" Anyway Amy, as much as i would love to stay and chat, i need to get back to the club."

She smiled and winked at him " hmm, just to the club."

His anger rose but he swallowed it back staying in control. He just laughed and made his way towards the door Amy close behind him.

xxxx

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG FINAL EXAMS AND ALL THAT :L ENJOY :D


	9. recognition

Brendan left the flat in a haze, not even thinking. He felt so ashamed and so small right now. He felt weak and disgusting he kicked the head off a plant as he walked in anger, his eyes pricked but he wasn't going to let himself cry like a pathetic little girl. It was just because he was so angry.

He hated himself, wished and prayed to god he could change all the time but it never worked. Not even when he was an 8 year old boy praying that his dad wouldn't walk through his bedroom door God never listened.

He needed to shut Steven up, this was his fault but he couldn't even be angry with him which made this so much worse. He felt protective over him in a strange way and he hated it.

He felt such raw pain and humiliation he needed something to distract him from it before it made him crazy, before he filled his pockets with stones and jumped into the pond next to the pub.

"you know what happens when you've been a bad boy brenda"

He choked on the memories when they came flooding in, he had kept them locked in so long it was like he was trapped they had poisoned him and there was no escape. He reached the club then and walked straight to the cellar where it was cold and dark. His hand trembled and his vision blurred slightly as the memories continued.

It felt like he was drinking acid, seeing this things all over again. He sat on top of a box of crates and clenched his fists. He clamped his eyes shut and tried to drown this anger and these memories out as best he could.

Just then he heard footsteps, light and happy footsteps coming down the stairs to the cellar. He recognised who it was straight away but he couldn't feel anything when he was like this. All he felt was disgust and shame.

"The girl in the cash and carreh has got the right hots for me" Steven said rummaging into his pocket to pick up the receipts. He felt like a child showing a parent good exam results, he was proud and he felt like he had done good.

Brendan stood up and walked over to him looking at the sheet in his hand but not taking it in and he smiled because he had to. Another painful memory flooded into his mind consuming his whole body and all he could see that was holding him to reality was Steven.

He plunged his fist into the boys stomach and he gasped in pain and struggled to breathe from the winding. Brendan felt numb when he did this. The pain he felt from himself was replaced by the pain he felt looking into Stevens crying face. He was hurting himself, instead of letting his body hurt him. He was in control.

He needed to talk to Steven and tell him to shut up, he needed to justify this beating.

" So i've just had a nice visit from Amy says shes so pleased for us both". He said and smiled supporting Steven by holding his face. Steven whimpered and tears flooded from his eyes as he tried to speak. It gave Brendan strength to see him like this, it upset him and made him feel something different, more bearable. " isn't that sweet? isn't it?" he said and smiled again fakely.

Steven tried to say something but could hardly breathe, what was Amy thinking. He was scared, Brendan looked murderous and crazed. He was looking Steven in the eyes but his were glazed . He didn't look like he was looking at him at all.

Brendan punched him again. He was angry with Steven , not enough to do this to him. His heart wasn't in it when he spoke but he knew Steven wouldn't notice.

"Shut her up, or i will" He spoke right into Stevens face then pushed his head down so he fell to the floor and walked out quickly forcing himself not to turn back and not to give in and pull Steven off the floor. To hug him and tell him hes sorry that everythings going to be ok. He didn't deserve that. He needed to punish himself to stay strong.

Ste clutched at his stomach and tried to catch his breath. He was sat on the cold concrete floor tears streaming down his cheeks. He hated Brendan for doing this to him but at the same time he hated himself for being so stupid. He should never have said anything to Amy

He stood up and brushed himself down, still slightly crouched because of the pain in his stomach. Despite being shaken and worn out all he wanted to do was run to Brendan and beg him for forgiveness. What he did to him was wrong and he knew that but he also knew he was stupid to say anything to Amy knowing what she was like and knowing what Brendan is like.

He walked out of the club heading straight home and not caring if he still had a shift to do or not. he clutched his stomach as he walked and took in quick sharp breaths. It was raining but he didn't bother putting on his jacket. He was drained, like Brendan had sucked the life out of him and made him feel worthless in one move. He was like an addict who hadn't got his fix.

xxx

Brendan sat in the club behind the bar, theres a couple of people scattered around chatting happily while sipping on cheap alcohol. He was full of anger and regret. He hated himself for what he had done, for who he was and what his farther had made him. A drug-dealing low life. Thats what he was, he hurt everone around him without even trying.

Steven was an idiot for telling Amy anything and Brendan needed to get him keep his mouth shut the only way he knew way he was told to keep his mouth shut. It's just what happens when your a lad. Steven needs to toughen up of he wont last two minutes in the real world. What he did to Steven, deep down he knew that he didn't deserve it and he hated it, but these feeling were so confusing and consuming. This was a man and he wasn't supposed to feel this way. It brought back raw memories, him left shaking and bleeding in his own bed when most other boys were tucked up warm and safe.

He reached down for the bottle of whisky he had been nursing for a while now. He pressed it to his lips and took a slug of it into his mouth, swirling it then swallowing it appreciating the burn. He kept his face monotone , like he wa so used to doing, and let his mind go blank refusing to suffer any more at the hands of himself. When customers came he smiled, his eyes glazed and unseeing. He didn't feel like a whole person, just a mask of lies and anger and front.

When it got late he locked up and headed home. The club wasn't busy on a weekday which left him time to think. He needed a distraction , someway of people not noticing what was happening between him and Steven. This hidden thing that needed to be kept behind doors away from judging eyes. Dirty and wrong, everyone needed to look away and no one could find out.

xxx

Ste stumbled into the living room, drunk on sleep. He had nothing on but boxers so he grabbed his dressing gown on the way down which was slung on the back of the sofa. Brendan had left a bruise on his stomach, it was tender to the touch and painful to move. But he ignored it smiling at Amy as he sat down opposite her on the table and helped himself to a pile of buttered toast she had on the table. She smiled at him and he yawned widely. His eyes felt heavy from being up tossing and turning all night. All he could think of was Brendan, but he wasn't angry with him. Then he felt wrong for not being angry with him, but he deserved it. Or did he?

Leah and Lucas were playing on the floor in front of them with a card board box. He smiled at them and Lucas smiled back while leah ran up and jumped on him so she could wrap her tiny arms around him.

"good morning daddy". She said and beamed at him brightly.

Ste winced in pain and gasped he mumbled out. " morning princess" as best he could and forced a smile. Amy frowned at him but he ignored her instead chatting with Leah about her 'space ship'.

When leah finally jumped down he turned back to Amy who's eyes were wide and full of concern. She reached out her hand and held back his dressing gown which had been loosened in the hug and was now showing the tip of a very large , very purple .

She gasped and opened her mouth wide staring Ste down and he pulled the dressing gown back over the bruise looking like he didn't care then picked up a news paper and covered his face with it, signaling Amy not to talk to him. He managed about 30seconds before he knew she was going to say something so he left the table and went for a shower, not being able to face the questions and concerns just yet.

xxx

He pulled his shirt on and continued to button it up while Amy wined at him in the background.

"It looks really painful." she said sympathetically.

"it's part of the job."

"You must be in pain".

He finished buttoning up his shirt and turned to face her. " it's nuffin".

"ste, it looks awful." she pulled her eyebrows together and looked at him full of smiled as he spoke, an attempt to persuade her.

"Ameh i work in a club" He bent down to get his keys causing a sharp pain in his side , He gritted his teeth and held his Breath until he was facing her again and placed the keys in his pocket.

"yeah behind the bar"

"well people, they get a bit drunk and lash out don't they" He was never good at acting at school, his self-consciousness often getting the better of him. He would get angry and shout when people laughed and joked but he was sure this was pretty good.

"And that's what made that bruise?" She said closing her eyes slightly to question him.

"yeah, some guy pulled me across the deck." He spoke with confidence and he thought fast not stopping for a moment to stutter.

She widened her eyes and sighed. " have you been to a doctor?" her voice was soft, welcoming. But he could see the anger behind her eyes , the anger that wasn't aimed at him .

He shook his head as he threw on his jacket. " it's a bruise!"

" you need to get that checked out."

"Amy just forget it, i'm sure that the guy has." im sure Brendan has.

"I'm coming with you, i need to drop the kids off at school anyway."

Ste sighed but didn't protest, there was no point even trying Amy wouldn't change her mind.

They walked to the school chatting aimlessly, Ste was thankful the kids where here so Amy couldn't nag him about the bruises. He couldn't let Brendan do this to him, it wasn't safe and it wasn't healthy. No matter how many times he told himself that he couldn't stay away. Brendan was like a drug, being with him was addictive and way more satisfying than it had been with anyone else he had been with in the past. He makes him feel complete , all his live he has been living a lie but with Brendan there is nothing to hide, he can be himself and be appreciated for it. When it's just them, alone, it is great. What he would give to be able to be a normal couple..

"Ste!?" Amy sounded quite worried. Ste turned to face her and realised she was staring at him along with the kids. She narrowed her eyes analysing him carefully, looking worried and slightly pissed off at the same time.

"What?" Ste said monotone then looked down at Leah, who had her brows pulled together sensing the hostility . He smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

"You where miles away, something on your mind?" Her voice went up at the end and if he was looking he was sure she would have winked.

"I'm fine." It came out too fast, and too urgent and he wanted to laugh at how stupid he sounded. Instead he settled for a smile and made it look convincing.

"hmm..Were going for a smoothie after this Ste."

"i didn't bring Any money" He said and sighed. He knew why she wanted to go, so they could _talk_.

" I do, and i'm paying." She said and beamed at him, knowing he had no way of getting out of it now. He shook his head at her silently but couldn't help a tiny smile escaping from his lips.

xxx

They walked into Relish hand in hand, something that seemed completely normal to them but often left other people wondering..Like Brendan had. Him and Amy were well and truly over, the fact that they had been together , and Ste had done _That_ to her and she forgave him , made them closer than he could be with any other girl.

Amy smiled at him lovingly and let go of his hand almost bouncing up to the counter and ordering their smoothies without having to ask which one Ste wanted.

Ste sat down on a red and white striped sofa next to the window and placed his elbows on the table and his hands supporting his head. He looked at the window at all the people floating by like nothing was happening , he thought what their reaction would be if he went out there and kissed Brendan. Suddenly he was daydreaming, he was stood there with Brendan holding hands and just leaning in for a kiss without any need to check he wasnt going to get his face smashed in. Brendan smiled into the kiss moving his hands to cup ste's face . The image had flooded his senses and made him feel giddy dangerously clouding his mind to a point where he couldn't see anyone else but them. He could have had his eyes closed, he could have been staring at some random child and smiling looking like a pervert, but he couldn't stop because he wanted it so bad that it seemed real. Then it all changed because he pulled away and people were staring, people where grimacing at him for what he had done out in public.

He shook his head and looked forward, eyes pricking at the loss of such a sweet image. Amy sat down heavily opposite him and passed him a pink smoothie, the condensation on the side showing how cold it was. He took a sip as he braced himself for questions.

" Do the police know" Amy said , getting to the point straight away as usual.

"No, i don't want them to know " Ste said sounding slightly annoyed and fed up. Amy knew as well as him that the police will cause him unnecessary hassle.

"Well what did Brendan say?!" She said her voice getting louder.

Ste felt a shock go through him, the mention of his name made him skip a beat. He could hear his heart in his ears and he wasnt sure if it was fear of excitement. If Amy went to Brendan about this 'Shut her up, or i will"

"Nothing because he doesn't even know. So enough right, nobody dies did theh"

She sighed and slurped on her drink narrowing her eyes at him. Ste looked down at the table and picked at his nails .

"He should be paying you danger money" She said sternly. Ste looked at her then , could see her contemplating going to see him . He had to stop her.

" The guy was already wound up , so realleh.. iv'e ony got myself to blame han i?"

Amy swirled her chocolate milkshake and scrunched her eyebrows together " erm no.. You were doing your job! you don't deserve a beating."

He couldn't look at her again and found his eyes flicking away to the table. 'You dont deserve a beating'. His sadness caused him to soften and lower his voice by accident.

" Well the guy was drunk, it happens all the time in the club." He felt like he was making excuses for Brendan and he didn't like it. But he knew he had to and part of him wanted to.

Amy stabbed her drink with her straw lowly and tutted sulkily. "yeah well, it's Brendans job to keep you safe at work" She looked up at him when she mentioned his name and he avoided her eyes stupidly.

He knew what she meant by Brendan keeping him safe, because they were _together_... but he didn't want to talk about Brendan with Amy, didn't want to put her in danger. "Well Brendan's not my bos is he? Cheryl is." He leaned down to drink his smoothie. it Went down too fast and he got a shooting pain as brain freeze hit. he scrunched up his face then relaxed it again when Amy looked at him.

"Well does she know?"

"no" Amy raised her eyebrows and held out her palm facing upwards. "No and i don't want her to" Ste continued. "I'm only just getting to know him, it's hard enough getting his sister in the mix." He didn't want her going to Cheryl either, Brendan would probably be even more angry.

"It's no a good start, keeping secrets" Amy said her voiced high pitched. She spoke like she was talking about a normal couple Ste wished it could be like that, there will always be secrets with Brendan. Amy leaner her elbow on the windowsill and stared him down like a naughty child.

Ste was so used to lying about this now he felt as though it was real. It wasn't Brendan who hit him. He was still sucked into the dream as he spoke. " so..I don't want him to think i can't handle myself."

" aww you want him to think your macho " Amy said raising one arm and flexing it.

Ste scowled "as if"

Amy stared to laugh "haha you do"

Ste smiled at her like he had been caught out, it was he truth in one sense he did want Brendan to think he was 'macho' but that wasn't why he told Amy he wasn't telling him. it was because he did it, and Amy couldn't go asking him about it or he would get pissed off and Ste would pay the price.

"aww you really like him don't you" She said softly.

Ste looked down and bit his lip. He didn't know how to answer that. Brendan was perfect..when they where alone. But in front of other people he was often like a different person, and sometimes he scared Ste so much he wanted nothing but to be away from him. But he loved the bad boy side of him and he didn't know why, he felt oddly safe around im even though he shouldn't. Brendan could protect him, has saved his life before and he liked that. He liked the side of Brendan only he knew.

" i Don't know, it's all really new for us init" He concluded.

" So you want me to keep my nose out?"

"Yes" Ste said and Finally relaxed sinking into his chair and Breathing deeply.

"fine." Amy said sulkily "But next time duck" She said and smiled.

Next time, even Amy was anticipating a next time.

xxx

Brendan Sat on a table in ChezChez flicking through the newspaper aimlessly. He heard footsteps but didn't look up. It was something he had done since he was a little boy, acting uninterested pushing people away. He didn't want to show any weakness to anybody in any situation. He was so used to doing it he couldn't stop he turned the page of his newspaper uninterested and spoke monotone.

"If your looking for Steven he's isn't in for another hour " He recognized it was Amy from the corner of his eye. He flicked his eyes left to right to make it look as if he was reading.

"ive already seen him. Have you" She asked him sternly, he could tell she didn't much like him and he didn't care.

Brendan let out a huff of laughter and cocked his head to the side , still staring at the newspaper. "Bit hung over is he?" Brendan made an excuse for the boy being back late.

"what?"

"I said he could stay after his shift for a few pints so.." He raised his eyebrows and popped the chewing gum in his mouth loud and confidently.

"You should have taken him to hospital."

Brendan looked at her then. She knew. "hospital" he repeated.

"Have you seen the state of him, he's a barman not a bouncer." Thats hit a nerve, to know he caused that. But it didn't change anything, he needed to do it. Brendan felt himself getting angry by the fact Steven had been stupid enough to let Amy find out.

"Well that's what you get for splitting up a boozy hen night" Brendan replied not missing a beat. He turned to look at his paper again. " You girls can be animals, with a bit of drink in you.

Amy sounded confused when she spoke. "Well..you should be paying him danger money"

Brendan smiled " comes with the territory Amy he's a big lad, he can look after himself." He folded up his newspaper slowly and put it down. "Now i'd love to stay and chat but i'm about to open so.. bye bye" He said and cocked his head towards the door.

xxx

Brendan went to unlock the door when he hears a familiar voice shouting outside. He walked out and crossed the Street to mitzeee who as usual looked like she was going out on a night out stood in high heals and a short dress even in cold weather, shouting at Hollyoaks very own journalist , Nancy. India Stood next to Nancy looking bored.

"Don't you walk away from me" Mitzee shouted and pulled Nancy back by her arm. Neither of them looking up to acknowledge Brendan who was watching the catfight slightly amused.

"Don't you man-handle me, not unless you value those extensions." Nancy said looking Mitzee up and down.

Mitzee opened her mouth wide and glanced to Brendan to show her offence. "I do not wear extensions" She said pulling out her finger angrily. " I'm gunna enjoy slapping that plumb out of your mouth." She said teeth bared. " I should of know i can't trust a stuck up wannabe like you"

Brendan sighed, he didn't want the fight scaring away the customers..or Mitzeee making even more of a fool of herself. She had gotten wasted after a boozy night the other week and someone had done a front page spread about it saying TRASH at the top, featuring a picture of her crawling on the floor with sick on her cheek. " Everything alright ladies?"

"No" India sighed and crossed her arms.

"Newsflash irish, keep your nose out. Or does she want to string you up with a headline." She said and looked Nancy up and down like a piece of dirt.

"only trying to help." He said calmly.

"It wasn't me!"Nancy said raising her voice and moving closer to Mitzeee.

"yes it was, Lois Lame." Mitzeee replied folding her arms across her chest.

Nancy sighed and looked away.

"your not going anywhere until you beg for my forgiveness! it's a page full of lies!" Mitzeee shouted being a drama queen as usual.

"Oh did you actually read it or did you just follow the pictures?" Nancy said patronisingly. Brendan almost smiled at that one, even though she was insulting mitzeee it was quite funny.

"It paints me as some gold digging , binge drinking hoe!" She said pointing to a copy of the newspaper she had in her hand.

"Don't forget filthy, vomit covered, foul mouthed, stuck up, TRASH!" Nancy shouted. That was too far and Brendan saw Mitzeee grit her teeth and brace herself beside him.

"i'm not taking this lying down." Mitzeee warned her voice shakey with anger.

"Oh no that would be too easy for you wouldn't it because that's where you do all your business." He knew it was going to happen before it did.

The next thing Brendan herd was an almighty crack and Mitzeee slapped nancy hard across the face.

"OUCH!" Nancy squeeled.

"Ok , thats enough come on." He said lifting Mitzeee of the ground around the waist and starting to steer her away.

"No put me down i haven't finished with her yet!" She shouted and waved her arms around.

Brendan continued to walk slowly away with Mitzeee still in the air.

"No body slaps me and gets away with it!" Nancy screeched.

Brendan stopped and half turned Mitzeee around as she started to speak. "I just did" She said and pointed to her face" Brendan nodded at Nancy and raised his eyebrows "Go back to oz with the other munchkins!" Mitzeee shouted . Brendan nodded again and turned her back around and headed towards the club " You'll be hearing from my lawyers!" mitzeee screamed over his shoulder. He walked faster and didn't put her down until she was safely inside the club

She brushed herself off , looked at him in a huff then clipped away to the bar.

xxx

Ste arrived at the club for his shift and immediately searched for Brendan. When they caught eyes, Brendan tilted his head towards the cellar then turned and walked down the stairs towards it.

Ste sighed and clutched his side. He nervously made his way after him down into the cold again where no one could see them. They seemed to be spending most of their time in this bloody cellar.

When he got down Brendan was holding the door open for him. As usual he was impossible to read.

Brendan stared into Stevens eyes and swayed slightly waiting for him to speak.

Ste took in a quick breath, his hand still on his side, and spoke. "Everything alright" was all he could think of saying. He said it so quietly he was surprised Brendan could hear him. He was never like this but this is what Brendan did to him, could grind him down to nothing with one look.

Brendan continued to stare him down aggressively; He leaned in closer until Ste could feel the warms of his Breath on his lips when he spoke. "What have you been saying to your ex." Brendan leaned over to close the door and Ste flinched away from him turning his head to the side and blinking rapidly.

He reminded Brendan of him when he was a child, when he flinched away from his dads every movement .

"Whats the matter with you?" Brendan said to Steven and he slowly turned to face him again and then looked down at the ground.

"I just fort that you were gunna-"

"If i head out theres a reason" Brendan cut him off not wanting to hear what he is capable of because it sickens him. " But i don't have a reason now do i? He looked at Steven who still stared at the floor and raise his eyebrows, staring at Stevens eyes.

"no" Ste said quietly. Brendan hated him being scared like this. Scared of _him_.

Brendan put a finger under Ste's chin to lift up his face and because he craved the contact. He looked at Ste lovingly even though he was angry.

"Are you sure about that?" Brendan questions not once looking away from Stevens eyes.

"I said no." Ste said finally daring to look up. Brendan's eyes flicked to Ste's lips and lingered there, he sub consciously wet his lips then snapped out of it and moved his hand that was still under Ste's chin.

"I Don't want Amy sniffing around" He needed to concentrate or Steven wouldn't listen to him, but it was so hard, so tempting to just kiss him and forget about having to hide him away, having to share him with someone else. " shes asking questions about the bruises but i aint answering to her." He said deeply looking into Stevens eyes then for a split second at his lips again because he couldn't help it.

Shit Ste though. So after all that Amy had been to see him anyway. "i'll speak to her."

"mm" Brendan said, that wasn't what he had in mind.

Steven flicked his eyes to Brendans lips and rested his tongue on his bottom lip beautifully. They stood in silence for a moment as Brendan was blinded by the sight and his head started to fill with filthy promises. He looked at Stevens perfect lips and he wanted them so bad. Instead he composed himself , placed his hands in his pocket lazily and looked back into Stevens eyes.

" you still got Rae's Number?"

Ste pulled his eyebrows together in confusion, why would Brendan want Rae's number? He looked away from Brendans lips. "yeh" he said confused.

"Call her her out." He wanted to take it back as soon as he said it but he couldn't. This was Stevens mess and it needed sorting out.

"what" Ste said and sighed. He knew what Brendan was doing now.

Brendan raised his eyebrows again and hummed in anticipation to see if Steven even dared to protest.

Steven moved his head closer to Brendan but looked down at the floor. "I fort that we were.."

Ste knew better than to put any label on what they were but was Brendan really that uninterested he would be happy to share him with someone else.

Brendan moved away slightly and blinked hard. What did he mean. Two men don't have relationships thats not what they do. "What..you thought what."

Ste's eyes shined slightly as he held back tears. He felt like a hurt schoolgirl at prom but he tried not to show it. The bad thing is it is him who should be angry with Brendan and him who should be being horrible but he couldn't , didn't have the strength to stay away from him.

"Nothing" he said hurt showing in his voice.

Brendan looked away from his eyes, not wanting to know he had hurt him. He blinked a few times while looking at Stevens lips again. " I believe you've taken your punishment for letting Amy find out about us " He lied, that wasn't a punishment it was self harm for himself but he would never admit it. " Keep your mouth shut aput those bruises and lets concentrate on no one else finding out , and how do we show everyone nothings going on?" He said and moved his ear next to Stevens face moving his hand back and forth from it signalling him to tell him the answer.

Ste gritted his teeth and held back pathetic tears. He spoke roughly through his teeth looking at the ceiling "I get myself a girlfriend."

Brendan moved his face to look at Ste again and did a thumbs up to him saying "yeeeeaaaahhhhh" patronizingly to him like a child who had done something right.

Ste shook his head, didn't find his sarcasm funny.

Brendan saw the way he was pouting and knew he was upset. He spoke to him trying stupidly to cheer him up. He couldn't help looking at his lips every so often as he spoke. " i'll do the same, there must be tons of desperate girls , grateful with a night out wit me. Dont ya think?" He spoke low and seductively but Steven carried on shaking his head and not making eye contact.

Ste looked at Brendan finally and pleaded. " I don't want to see Rae i want to see you. Can't we just tell people whats going on" He didn't care anymore what they would think, he just wanted a relationship so badly. He put his hands wither side of Brendans face.

Brendan gritted his teeth and pulled Stevens hands away. " Heeey, noting. Nothing is going on" He was agitated and it showed. He spoke fast with his hands moving quickly and shakily. " Now we both need to get girlfriends because you shot your mouth off, because you messed up." Brendan tried to calm himself down.

Ste could see Brendan was angry and it made him scared, he didn't want to be around him when he was like this. "Maybe i should go up to the bar now" He said and tried to turn but Brendan placed a hand on his shoulder.

"No" he said then he took it off again then put it back put both hands. Her stared at them like they were alien to him. He patted his shoulders strangely because he couldn't just keep them still, it wasn't something normal he could do. Brendan took a deep Breath and tried to calm now stilling his hands and feeling the warmth of Steven underneath them. "no I don't. I don't want you to go." He said because it was the truth and it just fell out of his mouth because he didn't want Steven to go. He wanted to make up to him after last night. He wanted him. He sighed and smiled at himself like it was an achievement finally speaking the truth. He run his hands up to Stevens neck and rested them there looking down and Breathing out trying to calm down as much as he could.

He looked back up and whispered "Steven" And he didn't really know why. He moved his lips closer to his and Ste panicked. He felt he had to apologise now while he had the chance. Brendan stroked his thumb along the edges of Ste's throat calming him and making him feel safe enough to speak.

"I'm sorreh i shouldn't have even said anyfin and-"

Brendan gritted his teeth angrily."But you always d.."He took a deep breath, smiled and tried again. "But you always do." He ran his thumbs along Stevens lips and stared at there advance across them " you just can't keep that moth of your shut can ye." He didn't need to touch him like this but he wanted to, he needed to. "I don't wanna have to keep doing this, okay?"

Steven relaxed further into Brendans touch. "Then don't" he whispered.

Brendan couldn't stop himself. Like it was that easy. He didn't know anything. He grabbed Stevens face roughly with one hand. Stevens eves opened widely and Brendan spoke down at him , holding his face so he could stare right at him. "This is your fault."

Just then Amy walked in. Brendan didn't flinch he simply moved his face away slowly and stared at Steven.

"Sorry the bar maid said you were down here?" She said sounding worried.

"ahh ha " Brendan said still holding Stevens face. " Just telling young Steven here that he needs to toughen up, isn't that right Steven yeeeaahhh." he said nodding Stevens head fir him like a toy. A show of dominance to Amy. " always getting yourself in trouble arn't ye." He said and let go of Ste slapping him on the cheek lightly and playfully.

He let out a fake laugh and looked at Amy who looked royally pissed off. He turned back to steven and clicked his tongue loudly. "good talk" he said and nodded then walked off, leaving Steven and Amy in the cellar.

xxx

Brendan Left the cellar and went to the dog for a change of scenery. He spotted India on her own and went over to chat her up, his chosen victim. They chatted for a while and he could tell she was already interested . Flirting and giggling.

"we got of to a bad start, what does a man have to do to make it up to you?"

" well it would have to be something special."

"Special, i can do special." Brendan said and smiled at how easy that was.

xxx

Ste unlocked the door to his flat and stormed in Amy following behind. " I don't know what you think you saw"

"That's what im trying to work out Ste!" She said watching him as he removed his jacket and held it in his hands.

" We were just havin a laugh" he said holding his palms out facing up.

"You looked really scared , Ste" Amy said obviously concerned. Ste was trying desperately to get her to forget about it Brendan would be really angry if she found out.

"You just barged in, you could have been anyone! How did you want me to look?" He said trying to sound calm and happy.

"You said Brendan wasn't there last night"

Ste turned to put his keys on the kitchen counter. "And?"

"Thats not what he said"

Ste looked down and darted his eyes, trying to think of an excuse.

"Ste why are you lieing to me?"

Ste got angry and defensive barging past Amy. "because i wanted you to back off, i'm gunna go get the kids."

"It's too early and why are you running away!" She shouted after him.

Ste turned around and sighed loudly . "I'm sick of you giving me the third degree, your beginning to sound like the jealous ex Amy." He didn't mean it but he hoped it would make her want to back off.

"And your beginning to sound like me , Steven." She spat. She spoke more softly when she said. " When i was desperately trying to hide the fact that you were hitting me."

Ste couldn't reply he just shook his head. This wasn't the same, what he did to Amy was awful but this was his fault. He looked down and walked towards the sofa defeated and crashed into it. Amy came and sat on the Arm of the Chair beside him.

"It hasn't happened that much" It wasn't like what he did to Amy. Brendan only did it when he had to.

" It shouldn't happen at all. Especially not after what we have been through" She said comfortingly.

Ste tutted. "It's not the same" He said shaking his head.

"whats different?"

Ste opened his mouth but just a mumble came out. It took him a while to think of an answer. "Because it's two blokes for a start" blokes fight all the time, thats what they do. Not a man hitting a defenseless girl, like he did.

"And that makes it alright?" Amy spoke like a professional and all Ste could do was tell the truth.

"no" He looked down at his hands then looked back at her. " But i wind him up though, so whats he supposed to do?"

"That..That is exactly what you used to say to me" She said and put her hand on her forehead.

Memories hit Ste like a brick wall, what he did to Amy. How he treated her. How can he call himself a man after doing that. "Don't ...Don't. I should have never of hurt yeh"

"But it's alright for someone to do that to you?"

"Don't know" He said drooping his head between his shoulders.

"Is that what this is about some kind of punishment for what you did to me."

He didn't want Amy thinking like that, that this was anything to do with her. "No..you don't understand I-"

"Steven you know i do. He says it's down to you, nagging and pushing." Ste turned away and could feel himself starting to cry, this was the same "That you ask for it. You make him do it. No matter what he says Steven there is never a reason to hit anyone. you know exactly whats happening Ste."

Ste shook his head and his bottom lip quivered. "I know." He nodded slowly. "I know."

"you think this is just a one off, that it's gunna stop. But the beating just get worse, and more frequent and then there doesn't even have to be a reason anymore."

Ste sobbed at what he did to Amy, What he made her feel like. He felt so ashamed and he felt scared. He didn't know what to do. A few tears fell from his eyes and cascaded down his cheeks , leaving wet paths from where they came from.

"I'm supposed to be a man" he croaked out holding back further tears the best he could.

"You are! You are but this isn't gunna stop untill you admit what it is."

Ste shook his head, didn't want to admit it. He felt like nothing, ashamed.

"Ste your suffering domestic abuse"

More tears fell from his eyes and he tried his best to stop. He was scared . His lip shook and he spoke making him sound younger and more vounrable. " What am i going to do then...what am i gunna do?" He said and Broke down crying. Amy leaned over and hugged him. "It's fine baby, it's okay" She whispered as he cried onto her arm like a pathetic little boy.

xxx

**WOW that was tough writing that last bit while watching one of the old vids. Sobbing here. The most complicated but always the best relationship ever. #StendanReunionHollyoaksLater**

**sorry for the wait. Exams and shit. Ive stayed up until gone 4am to get this done, going to regret it in the morning. As usual excuse my many tired mistakes :) Thankyou for the reviews and feel free to leave more, love you all ! xxxxxx**


	10. Tough love

Ste daydreamed as he scrubbed one of Lucas' plastic cups, spending a unnecessary amount of time on it while staring out of the window. He imagined himself standing up to Brendan and not getting beat up for it. He imagined screaming in his face and pushing him angrily and Brendan didn't do anything. He felt the rush of power and he loved it, the more he shouted the more he felt so he carried on getting up in Brendan's face and telling him he would leave him if he didn't stop, like he actually could. Brendan looked down , in his dream he wanted him to stay , when in reality Ste knew Brendan would quickly move on.

He put the cup down and reached for a tea towel to dry it knocking the clean, wet cup onto the floor in the process. He sighed and lunged down to pick it up without thinking causing a shooting pain up his side. He stilled and yelped quietly clutching his battered ribs while he reached for the cup with his fingertips. He managed to grab it and straightened up slowly like an old man.

When he stood back up he peeled his shirt up to inspect the bruise; it was very large still and a deep purple, yellowing at the edges . he stroked a thumb across the tender skin there and closed his eyes, wishing it had never happened.

Tiny feet padded against carpet and Ste pulled his top down quickly to cover the injury from Amy who was pushing Leah and Lucas up the hallway for breakfast. Ste smiled at her then at Leah and Lucas , stroking their heads as they walked past him.

Amy put the kids in the living room , opening their almost empty toy box and placing it between them , before coming and standing next to Ste and drying up his washing for him.

"So , is that why Brendan hits you in the ribs? So people can't see the bruises." She said glancing at his hand which was clutching his bruised side.

Typical of Amy to start the day with something like that. He knew she was just looking out for him, making sure he hadn't forgotten what had happened yesterday, but it angered him that she would say that with the kids so close. The thought of his children being exposed to something like that made him sick, he didn't want them to turn out like him.

"Shh not ere, right." He whispered glancing over to their children who were playing quietly together. Leah had hold of a wind up toy car she had got from a happy meal and she was showing Lucas how she could make it go, mothering him as always.

"Ste, he is a bully. Why are you letting him use you." Ste shook his head, didn't want to listen to her talking about Brendan like that. She didn't know him, not like he did. What he did was wrong but he wasn't using him.

"You know what Amy, I'm gunna be late for work." He said and turned to walk away grabbing his keys from behind her first. He didn't have to set off for another ten minutes at least but he wanted to get out of here.

"Is it because your ashamed of what people will think..Like that your weak." He knew by people she meant Brendan. He didn't want Brendan to think he was weak but standing up to Brendan wouldn't make him weak it would make him the strong one. He was just scared of what Brendan would do.

"I've already told ye, you don't know what im thinkin" He turned to her and closed his eyes , rubbing his fingers across his forehead showing he was bored of this conversation.

"No but i know how i used to feel, when you hit me." She said quietly. Ste couldn't ignore that, he looked at her and nodded his head speaking quietly voice full of shame.

He decided to tell her the truth because with Amy it was just the easiest thing to do. "I do know that it's wrong, i'm just struggling to get my head around it thats all. Because of him.. He just changes like someones flicked a switch or something." Amy nodded her head in agreement and acknowledgement, Ste used to be like that with her. " no but trust me, i'm not going to let it happen again" He decided he wanted to stand up to Brendan. What was the point in even being with him when he was like this.

A horrible image appeared when Ste thought that and it shoked him. Him alone without Brendan in his life, it scared him. He needed Brendan now like he needed air and he had no idea why. It had to stop before he ended up getting himself really hurt.

"Please Ste you need to end it now" She said coming closer and placing her hands on his chest.

Ste felt winded. How could she say that , he couldn't do that. Couldn't _end_ what him and Brendan had, it was like nothing he had ever felt before. It was amazing when they were alone , not like when he had girlfriends in the past so much more than that. He felt like..they fitted together, like if they were apart Ste would be in a worse state than he is now. Brendan breathed life into him and he needed had never felt so appreciated, so wanted , in his whole life like when he did when he was with Brendan. And then he would change and Ste felt the complete opposite and still all he wanted was to prove to Brendan he will make up whatever he has done to him, because he needs to be close with him again.

"I can't!" He said urgently holding her hands and staring straight into her eyes.

"Ste, if you don't finish with him today. I'm going to tell the world whats really going on."

Ste pulled away from her and shook his head , anger rising in him. He couldn't let that happen, if anyone found out Brendan would hurt her, would probably kill him. He needed to Stop her and it was going to take all his effort but there was no way around it. He needed to stand up to Brendan. To get him to stop so she would accept him , or he would have to break up with him. the thought made his eyes sting, grief scratching up his throat and taking over his body. there was no other way.

How could he break it off with him when he is with him every day, all the time. The temptation to forgive him would be too much.

Ste shook his head again and stormed out slamming the door. He would have to quit work , it's the only way he could ever be able to stop brendan, by not giving him the chance.

It was raining outside . As the droplets hit the dull concrete outside they created little black circles , soon turning the whole street a darker shade.

Instead of heading to work , Ste went to the SU bar . He took a seat in and pulled out his phone texing Cheryl to come and meet him because he wanted to quit work.

He knew she would be shocked so he decided to break the news to her over text before he came. It was easier than saying it to her face, he hated the thought of letting her down but he needed to do it. This relationship , whatever it was, needed to stop. Self-respect was not something he was taught to value but deep down it existed and letting Brendan push him around was embarrassing but how could he stand up to him?

SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, REALLY I AM AND SORRY IT IS JUST THE START BUT MY COMPUTER HAS PACKED IN SO I AM UNABLE TO COMPLETE THIS CHAPTER FOR NOW. inSTEAD OF LETTING IT SIT THERE UNSEEN I DECIDED TO UPLOAD IT SO YOU GUYS CAN READ WHAT I HAVE DONE AND KNOW I HAVENT GIVEN UP. ITS MY BIRTHDAY ON THE 14TH AUG MAYBE ILL GET A COMPUTER ;) DOUBT IT. ANYWAY MUCH LOVE , DONT LOOSE HOPE . #stendanReunionHollyoaksLater


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